Earthquakes
by Errik's angel
Summary: Willow remains addicted to dark magicks two years after Tara leaves her. When she gives birth to a daughter, the Scoobies care for the baby even as destruction spirals their lives out of control. Notes: Tara never died, spoilers through Season 6
1. Chapter 1

Tara opened the door to the Summers' house after her night class and immediately registered the sound of the crying baby upstairs. Dropping her keys and bag in the kitchen with a sigh, she took the stairs two at a time to the spare bedroom-turned-nursery where Dawn stood in the dark with the baby in her arms.

"I can take her," Tara offered, half-smiling as the teary infant reached her arms out towards her voice. "Hi, sweetheart." She wiped tears off the baby's silky cheeks and kissed the top of her head.

"She won't take her bottle and I can't get her to sleep," Dawn explained apologetically.

"It's alright, Dawnie. She's been fussy lately; she's cutting another tooth." The baby was already quieting in Tara's arms, and she sat down in the rocking chair and started to unbutton her shirt. "Thanks for staying up with her so late on a school night. I can help you with your homework as soon as I get her down. I don't want you getting behind because of babysitting."

Dawn flipped her long hair over her shoulders. "I'm done already. Xander and Anya came by to watch her earlier this evening."

Tara smiled, grateful that the Scoobie family still provided so much support.

"Ma!" the baby demanded impatiently, batting a hand against Tara's chest.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" Dawn exclaimed. "She just said her first word! That's right, Olivia, that's your mama!"

She got no response from the baby who had finally been offered a breast and was nursing contentedly.

"I think that was just baby-babble," Tara countered. "Besides, I'm not her mother." She stroked Olivia's soft red hair, a little wistfully.

Dawn frowned. "Of course you're her mother. You hold her and bathe her and play with her. Isn't that what a mother is?"

"We all do that, Dawnie; you, me, Xander, Buffy," Tara said quietly. "But she has a mother."

"Biologically, yes," Dawn agreed. "But in everyway that matters she has you. You do more than the rest of us. You're with her all the time with the nursing and the silly games. She adores you."

Tara rocked the chair gently back and forth. "It's no burden. I love her so much."

"And that's more than can be said for the women who gave birth to her," Dawn concluded a little smugly.

"Dawn!" Tara snapped, standing up so abruptly that Olivia lost her nipple and let out a disgruntled wail. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again!"

Dawn was startled, Tara hardly ever spoke sharply, and never to her. The two of them had always been close and Dawn sometimes thought of Olivia as her baby sister with whom she shared an unofficial adoptive parent. But after a second's hesitation, she continued the argument. "If she's loves her so much how come she hasn't come by in almost a month? She hardly even held Olivia last time she was here!"

Sighing, Tara sat back down, helping Olivia latch on again. "It's hard for her, Dawnie. You're right, though. I'll give her a call tomorrow."

"Why do you always defend her?" Dawn cried. "After what she's done to Olivia, to you, to all of us? It's like you're still in love with her!" She stormed out of the room and Tara heard the door slam across the hall.

She closed her eyes, blinking back tears. Olivia gazed up at her from the breast with sleepy eyes. "Oh my little one," Tara whispered to her. "Of course I'm still in love with your mommy."

After laying the sleeping baby down in her crib, Tara shut the nursery door to a crack and went over to Dawn's room where there was it was still light coming from the crack under the door. She knocked lightly before opening it. Dawn was sprawled across her bed on her stomach, highlighting her notes.

"I thought you were done with your homework."

"Test tomorrow," Dawn said without looking up.

Tara walked across the room, and, with a roll of her eyes, Dawn closed her notebook and made room for Tara on the bed. "What?"

"Dawn," Tara started gently, touching her shoulder. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"It's just…" Dawn started angrily, before stopping herself and starting again. Tara bit back a smile. Despite the fact that she still had one more year of high school, Dawn had grown up in the time that she had known her and had learned to keep her emotions in check most of the time. "It's just that I don't want to see her hurt Olivia the way that she hurt you."

"Oh Dawnie." Tara grabbed the girl in a tight hug. "I know how much you love Olivia and I know you are trying to protect her. But, sweetie, I don't want her to grow up thinking her mother doesn't love her. She'll be one year old before we know it and she understands more and more of what we are saying everyday. I don't want her to hear anything that makes her feel unloved."

"She'll never feel that way," Dawn said fiercely, pulling back to look Tara in the eyes. "We all love her so much."

"And Willow loves her too, I know she does," Tara insisted. "She loves her enough to know what's best for her. She admitted that she couldn't take care of her." She paused for a moment, reflecting on that day.

_Tara's studying was interrupted by a knock on her dorm room door. She set down her pen and smoothed her skirt, walking around her desk to open the door. _

"_Willow!" She paused to take in the sight of her former lover standing before her with puffy eyes, the roots of her flame red hair tinged black, holding a crying newborn. "Come in."_

"_Sit down," Tara insisted gesturing to the bed as she shut the door behind her, worried that the women before her might fall over from exhaustion. "This is Olivia?" her voice became overly tender as she stared down at the red-faced infant who stopped bawling for long enough for her to catch sight of clear blue eyes. _

_Willow offered her up and Tara hesitated before awkwardly accepting the child, unsure how to hold her. She had held only a handful of babies in her life and never one this new. Buffy had called her earlier that week to tell her that Willow had delivered a girl. A part of her wished that she could have been there, but she knew that she had no place. Their relationship was no more than stilted conversations since Tara had left her a year before due to her addiction to the magicks and Willow had announced her pregnancy only months after. _

"_She's beautiful, Will." _

_Willow burst in tears. "I can't do it, Tara! I can't!"_

_It was an automatic reaction to lay the swaddled baby down on her floor rug and before her brain could catch up, Tara was next to Willow on the bed, pulling her half into her lap as she embraced her tightly. Willow sobbed harder, hands gripping Tara's shirt as she buried her face in her neck. Tara's heart skipped and she bit back a gasp at the sensation of her ex-girlfriend's warm breath on her skin. Whatever the circumstances, she couldn't deny how good it felt to have Willow in her arms once again. _

_For a few minutes the room was filled with the sounds of the cries of the mother and her daughter, but eventually Willow pulled back and looked up at Tara with red, sorrowful eyes. Tara let her go, her arms immediately aching at the emptiness. _

"_It's going to be ok, Willow," Tara murmured. "You can do this." _

_Willow shook her head. "No, no, I really can't. I can't even take care of myself, Tare." Averting her eyes, she admitted, "I'm afraid I'll hurt her. I can't keep her."_

"_Willow…" Tara sighed, unable to prevent her hand from reaching out to trace to line of dark that ran along her part, making her red hair look oddly unnatural. Soot, she couldn't help but think. Soot that is taking away her fire. "You've done dark magicks. Recently. Since her birth."_

"_I can't stay away. It calls to me. Taking everything that I love." She paused and their eyes met. "Everyone."_

_Tara's breath caught in her throat. _

_Willow continued, "I can't let her grow up around me. I thought she would be enough to make me stop, but obviously, not so much the case. She's been alive for four days and already I've gone back. Please, Tara, please. I know I have no right to ask, but, please, will you take her? Will you love her? You're the best person I know. There is no one else I would rather have raise this child."_

_Tara's gaze darted between Willow's emerald green orbs and the baby who was on her floor, still crying. Back and forth, back and forth, as she tried to process what Willow was asking. _

"_Willow," she breathed. "Willow, she's not mine. I can't just take her. What about the father?"_

"_She doesn't have a father," Willow said abruptly. _

"_She must-" Tara started, before she was stopped by the coal black flash in Willow's eyes. She shivered at the darkness that removed all remnants of the girl she had fallen in love with so long ago. That girl who had been so full of life, the shinning light in Tara's life. But even then she had known; from the beginning Tara had been aware of the power that had now taken that light to a place far beyond her reach._

"_It's just me," she said definitively, her eyes fading back to green. _

_Tara nodded, not daring to question further. She couldn't help but wonder, though, who had lay claim to Willow's body so soon after their break up. _

"_Tara, please," Willow begged. "She's a part of me; I can't lose her to strangers. But I love her too much to keep her." Her voice trailed off so that Tara hardly caught the last part. _

_How could she refuse? Despite everything, she still loved Willow more than life and loved her daughter simply by association. Though it hadn't been said, Tara knew Willow had no one else to ask. Buffy was too busy with the slaying, Dawn was too young, Xander and Anya were too wrapped up in trying to salvage their relationship. _

_Tara felt herself nod, even as she said, "Will, I don't know anything about babies, I-" She was cut off by Willow's lips on hers and she responded without thinking as they shared a sloppy, desperate kiss. It ended mutually and their eyes met in silent acknowledge that although they both wanted it to go farther, neither of them dared to let it. _

_Choosing to ignore it in light of more pressing concerns, Tara stood to pick up Olivia once again, feeling dread wash over her. "I don't know how I'm going to do this. I have another year of school, no baby stuff. Where will she sleep? What will she eat?"_

_Willow reached into the bag she had brought with her and handed Tara a check. It was made out to her for an exorbitant amount of money. "This is for everything she needs," Willow explained. "I'll give you more if you need it."_

_Tara nodded mutely as Willow pulled out something else; a small bag filled with herbs. "This tea will make your milk come in, or, you know, you can buy bottles and stuff." Willow eyes were filled with desperation, silently begging Tara not to back out of this huge commitment. "I'll come and see her? I'm still her mother?" They were more questions than statements. _

"_Of course you are," Tara assured her, shifting Olivia to one arm so she could gently cup Willow's cheek. "Always."_

"_Tara." The tears spilled over once again and Tara wiped one away with her thumb. "Promise you'll never let me hurt her."_

_Tara felt Willow's pain as her own and once again pressed their lips together, this time without passion, merely a promise. "You could never hurt her, Willow. I know how much you love her. I am so proud of you."_

Dawn shrugged, the movement drawing Tara back to the present. "I guess. Sorry I upset you."

Tara smiled. "I'm so happy that she has you to look out for her." They hugged again. "I love you, Dawnie. Get to sleep so you ace that test."

Leaving Dawn's room, she walked back by the nursery, peaking in on the little girl in her crib. She couldn't imagine her life if she hadn't taken the baby that day. Olivia was her light now, the only innocent, untarnished piece of Willow she had left. Without question, Olivia was the best thing in her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Tara was jolted from a dreamless sleep as the floor shook underneath her. The walls of the house trembled in response. _Earthquake, _she thought, frozen in her bed as another tremor rumbled through and she heard something crash downstairs. But something wasn't right, she realized.

Before she could finish the thought, Olivia's cries brought her to her senses and she leaped out of bed, bumping into Dawn in the hallway.

"What's going on?" Dawn cried.

Tara ignored her, desperate to get to Olivia, breathing only when she saw Buffy coming out of the nursery holding the baby, braced in the doorway of that room. Tara was reassured, knowing that there no where was safer than Buffy's supernaturally strong arms at a time like this.

"I don't know," she answered belatedly, wrapping an arm around Dawn and pulling her into the nearest doorway. The girl leaned into her, comforted by the contact.

Tara met Buffy's eyes across the hall and immediately knew that the Slayer also could feel that something was off. This was no natural earthquake.

When the rattling stopped, both pairs made their way hesitantly into the middle of the hallway.

"Something's wrong, Buffy," Tara said.

"I know, I feel it too." Buffy passed Olivia over to Tara. "You guys stay here; I'm going out to find out what's going on."

"Buffy…" Tara started, before trailing off. "Be careful," she finally concluded.

Buffy nodded, disappearing into her room to return dressed and armed with a crossbow. "I'll call when I know something."

The night seemed endless. Tara and Dawn spent it on the couch downstairs, neither of them speaking and neither of them sleeping. The earthquake-like tremors continued periodically, varying in intensity. They both trembled at each one and Olivia was pulled from her dozing with a cry. Tara did her best to comfort the baby cradled in her arms.

Just before sunrise, the phone rang, scaring both of them. Tara deposited Olivia into Dawn's arms and jumped up to answer it.

"Buffy!" she said immediately. "What is this?"

"It's Rack and his people," the voice responded. "The magicks are out of control."

Tara fell silent, mentally slapping herself for not sensing it. She was out of practice as a witch, to be sure, but something like this should never have gone on without her realizing what it was.

"I think we have to get out of here," Buffy was saying. "I can't stop this and they seem ready to destroy the town."

Tara nodded stupidly, forgetting that Buffy couldn't see the action over the phone.

"Tara? Tara, are you still there?" Buffy was asking.

"Yes, s-sorry." Tara cursed the reoccurrence of her stutter.

"I was worried they knocked out the phone lines," Buffy explained. "I've already talked to Xander, he's coming to get you with the van. Anya and I will meet you on the far side of town. Get what we need, he'll be there soon."

Tara hardly heard the instructions, her mind occupied with only one thought.

"Willow," she whispered.

"What was that?"

"Willow!" she said with sudden desperation. "Have you seen her? Is she doing this?"

"I haven't seen her, Tara. But I would suspect so," Buffy admitted.

Tara clung to the receiver with sweaty hands. "Please, Buffy. Can you find her? Find Willow."

"Tara, I'll try," Buff promised. "But it's a mess down here. Everything is burning and-" she stopped suddenly. "I've got to go."

She stood holding the silent phone for a moment, before dropping it onto the floor with a crash that brought Dawn running into the room. "What's going on?"

"Magicks," Tara whispered, suddenly coming out of her trance. "Xander's coming and we're leaving," she explained hurriedly, rushing into the living room. She grabbed a receiving blanket and draped it over the baby, pulling Olivia's car seat and a bag of weapons to the entryway. "Stay here and wait for him," she ordered. Dawn nodded, clutching Olivia tightly.

Tara ran up the stairs and darted between the bedrooms, filling a duffle with a random assortment of clothes, diapers, and toiletries.

"Bring my diary!" Dawn shouted up the stairs, and Tara tossed the little book into the bag, along with a pile of photos lying on Dawn's desk. She froze when she saw Willow's face staring back at her in an old picture of her and Buffy and Xander when they were still in high school. She looked so young and for a moment all Tara could see in her face was Olivia. The little girl was going to grow up to look exactly like her mother.

She snapped out of it at the sound of the front door opening, and ran to the stairs, pausing only for a moment to grab her bag of magick supplies. Xander and Dawn were already walking out to the van. Tara ran to catch up with them, nearly falling as another shake made the ground move underneath her. She and Xander tossed everything into the back as Dawn climbed into the front seat with the baby.

"We're all here? Let's go!" Xander said as the doors slammed shut. He accelerated fast and Tara fell against the back seat. Olivia sobbed as they speed through the burning downtown, but Tara didn't even offer to take her from Dawn. All she could think about was the destruction around her and wonder how much of it Willow was responsible for. She prayed that Buffy and Anya had found her.

They found Buffy and Anya on the edge of the town and the van didn't even come to a full stop before they had leapt into the back seat on either side of Tara.

"Willow?" she asked immediately.

"I'm sorry, Tara, I never saw her," Buffy said.

"Xander, stop!" Tara commanded. "We can't leave without her."

"Why?" Anya asked. "She's with those bad witches we are currently running away from."

Tara didn't hear the comment. The magicks were humming once again in her brain as she reached out with her mind to find Willow. She sensed the redhead's aura somewhere close, but it was quiet. She wasn't dead, sleeping maybe. Or unconscious, Tara realized was more likely. Pulling with her mind, she tried to bring Willow to them, stopping only when she faltered from exhausted, realizing she had no chance of doing it. Teleporting a human was something that she wouldn't have been able to do even at her peak, and now it had been nearly a year since she had done more than mix herbs and perform simple healing spells. It was beyond her, it would be a push even with Willow's hands in her own.

"I'm going back for her." Tara moved to climb over Anya but was stopped by Buffy's arms.

"No!" Buffy said at the same time as Xander's, "Are you crazy?"

"Tara, you can't go back there," Buffy explained. "It's far too dangerous, we need to get out of here. Now!"

"Not without her! Xander stop the car!" she demanded.

"We need to get Dawn and Olivia out of this town," Xander said, not slowing down.

"Not to mention ourselves," Anya added.

"Stop!"

The car suddenly lurched to a halt, flinging all of them slightly forward.

"Woah!" Xander stared down at his foot still pressing the accelerator. "Tara, I didn't know you could do that. I thought it was just Willow and her crazy, scary power. You're usually all healy and stuff."

Tara was a little surprised herself but didn't choose to show it in that moment. "We need to get her."

"Tara, its suicide," Buffy tried to reason. "She's not worth it."

"How can you say that?" Tara asked quietly. "Do you all think that?" The silence in the car was answer enough to her question. Even Olivia was quiet, as if she realized the severity of the situation.

"Xander." She started with the easiest target. "She's been your best friend since you were hardly older than Olivia. Buffy, she was the first person you got to know here in Sunnydale, one of the few who didn't think you were a felon. How can you guys leave her here to die? We all know what it's like to lose a mother – do you want that for Olivia?" She knew it was a low-blow, but her uncharacteristic anger had her on a roll.

Buffy answered first. "I think Willow can handle herself. She won't die."

"She's unconscious!" Tara exclaimed. "I can feel her. She's risked her life for all of us. And we can't return the favor?"

"That Willow is gone," Xander said with forceful anger. "We have to let her go."

Tara felt herself starting to cry, her hold on the brakes loosening. "Please. She could still come back from this."

"Tara," Buffy soothed quietly, taking her hands.

The contact gave her a sudden idea and before she could weigh the options, she pulled on Buffy's strength with her mind while simultaneously reaching for Willow. She felt it work and with a flash the redhead was suddenly laying across their laps, looking more pale and emaciated than Tara had ever seen her.

"Wh-what?" Xander looked back at them his mouth agape.

"Drive, Xander!" Anya cried.

They speed out of the burning Sunnydale, Tara and Buffy exhausted from teleporting Willow, not even moving her from where she lay.

Dawn was the only one who spoke as they passed the city limits. "I knew I was never going to graduate high school."


	3. Chapter 3

Fifteen miles down the road, Xander was still driving well above the legal limit in their efforts to flee, but the girls had adjusted some. Olivia was still in Dawn's arms, but had fallen asleep, soothed by the motion of the car. Anya and Buffy had climbed into the very back of the van, leaving Tara in the middle with Willow spread across the seat next to her. After Buffy had dug the correct bag out of the assortment of supplies they had brought along, Tara mixed up an herbal salve which she was gently spreading onto Willow's oozing head wound with her bare hand, pouring what little energy she had left into it to accelerate the healing process.

"Tara, you're going to wipe yourself," Buffy observed. "It can heal naturally and she'll be fine."

"Or she'll turn her hair black and reverse time so it never happened," Anya amended helpfully.

Xander had been quiet, concentrating on driving, but he finally spoke up. "What are we planning to do with her?" he asked.

No one had an answer and Tara knew they were all thinking the same thing. Willow had fallen far and could potentially present a danger to all of them. She had done spells in the past that had risked all of their lives, and there was no telling how far it would go now that she had realized the full extent of her powers.

Her line of thought was interrupted as Willow roused in her arms. Her lashes fluttered as her eyes opened slowly, darting around before landing on Tara's face. "Tara? What's going on?" she slurred, clearly still dizzy and disoriented.

"We're leaving Sunnydale," Tara explained briefly.

Willow struggled to sit up, and Tara helped her with a strong hand under her arm, accidently grazing a breast with her fingertips. Willow ignored it, looking around the van, at Xander driving and Buffy and Anya behind them.

"Where is she?" she demanded with sudden urgency.

"Who? Amy?" Buffy asked. "I saw her blow up the high school."

"Dawnie's right here," Xander offered.

"Oh! Your new lesbian lover," Anya offered. "Yeah, we left her behind."

"No!" Willow shrieked, sparks flying off of her. "Olivia! Where is my daughter?"

Tara grabbed her shoulders, shaking her gently to stop a pending explosion. "She's here, Will. Dawn has her."

Willow calmed visibly at Tara's words and the confirmation given by a glance into the front seat.

"She was our first priority," Tara assured her. "I'm sorry we didn't let you know she was here right away."

"It never occurred to us you'd be worried about your own child," Anya said bluntly.

Tara braced herself for what Willow would do, worried already that she had made a devastating mistake in bringing her along. Instead, Willow slumped her shoulders, and muttered, "I saw the empty car seat," gesturing behind Buffy.

"Yeah…" Xander said. "Seatbelts are not the first thing you think about during an apocalypse."

"Though she should be in it now," Tara pointed out. "Pass it up to me, Buffy."

Willow watched Tara silently as she secured the car seat between them and then skillfully harnessed in the sleeping baby, hardly disturbing her nap. She could see Tara's love for Olivia in all her actions, the way she tenderly cradled her, stroked her hair, kissed her forehead. Blue eyes looked over at her and Willow flushed to be caught staring.

She averted her eyes to Olivia instead. "Hi baby," she whispered, touching a pudgy cheek.

Too overwhelmed to think, she drifted in and out of sleep all morning, wondering how she had gone from Rack's ceiling to a van with her daughter and the Scoobies in a matter of hours. She had been privy to Rack's plan for months, but he had promised to give her warning before it took place so she could get her daughter out of Sunnydale before he destroyed it. Apparently such warning had slipped his mind.

She woke to the sounds of the Summers' girls arguing.

"We're not far enough yet," Buffy insisted. "We can't stop."

"Buffy, I'm starving," Dawn whined. "And I have to pee."

"It was just Sunnydale," Willow found herself saying. "He won't take it any farther."

Buffy's steely eyes bore into her soul. "Well thanks for the warning," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

Willow fell silent. Despite the fallout, she still knew Buffy well and could imagine how she was feeling. They were running away again, just as they had from Glory. Buffy had gone into a coma last time she was faced with an enemy she could defeat. _And this time I am her enemy, _Willow realized.

Xander pulled off at the next exit after Buffy consented to the "fastest stop in road trip history" that Dawn had presented as a compromise. The sisters ran into a Doublemeat Palace, promising to bring back food for everyone.

"Well, I'm not going to make you eat that crap," Tara was saying as she took Olivia out of her car seat.

Willow watched, again transfixed by Tara, hardly hearing Xander and Anya banter as they switched places so Anya could drive. _Tara boobs, yum_, she thought as Olivia began nursing. The thought caught her by surprise, sending her into another spiral of reflections.

"You want one?" Willow jumped as Tara's question brought her back and she realized they were driving again. _Taraboob, yes I want, _she thought before she saw that Olivia was strapped in her car seat, Tara's breast was hidden from sight, and she was being offered a hamburger.

She shook her head. Food had not sat well with her lately and she didn't think Doublemeat Palace was the solution for her overly sensitive stomach.

"You should eat," Tara said quietly, pressing it into her hand.

Mutely she unwrapped the slightly cold patty, taking a tentative bit. She swallowed, and suddenly put a hand over her mouth as she felt it come right back up, along with bile from her stomach.

"Pull over!" Tara cried.

Willow was thankful for Anya's quick reactions as she pried open her door and retched into the ditch. Miserable, she continued heaving, suddenly comforted by cool hands pulling back her hair. Tara was whispering soft assurances to her and Willow had never felt so safe. It was the complete opposite of anything she had felt in the last months when it had just been magicks and highs.

When she stopped vomiting, Tara offered her a sip of water which Willow took to rinse out her mouth and spit into the ditch.

"When is the last time you've eaten?" Tara asked gently.

Willow racked her brain. She honestly couldn't remember.

Tara sighed visibly at her lack of response. "Drink this water." She pressed the bottle into her hand. "Do you want to switch with Dawn and sit in the front?"

Willow shook her hand, her whole body trembling. She didn't think she could perform the movements necessary for a change in seating. "I'll just sleep," she murmured.


	4. Chapter 4

In between watching the miles pass out the window and tending to Olivia, Tara watched Willow sleep. Seeing her body reject food, albeit greasy, unappetizing food, so immediately had deeply concerned her. She knew that Willow could not go on like this. The witch simply wouldn't survive it.

By early evening Olivia began to wail, no longer consolable by silly faces or objects in the car that could pass for toys. Red in the face, the baby strained against the buckle of her car seat, kicking her legs as she screamed.

After failing to comfort her, Tara simply settled for laying a hand on her head and apologizing to the rest of the car. "I'm sorry, you guys. She just wants to get out."

"I know how she feels," Dawn muttered.

Endless hours in the car, compounded with a crying baby, were enough to drive anyone mad, and Tara was just as anxious as everyone else.

Willow moaned from the other side of Olivia, and Tara looked over to see her shaking slightly and clutching her head.

"Headache?" Tara asked sympathetically over the noise.

With a short nod, Willow wondered, "What's wrong with her?"

"Nothing. Too much car riding."

Willow closed her eyes. "Sukut."

Though Olivia still appeared to be screaming, the car was immediately quiet. They were all silent for a moment, as each of them glanced at each other and at Willow.

Tara broke the silence first. "What the hell are you thinking?" Her voice sounded unfamiliar to her own ears, low and filled with rage.

Willow squirmed uncomfortably, clearly intimidated. "I just want it quiet."

No one else in the car stepped into the argument. Tara felt her rage build, appalled at this new use of magick. Instead of lashing out at Willow again, she muttered, "Tacalum," breaking the spell and filling the car once again with the sound of crying.

"Don't you ever use magick on her again," Tara commanded, giving Willow her sternest expression. Maybe Xander and the others had been right. Willow was a danger to herself, they all knew that, but bringing her here now meant she posed a threat to all of them. Even her own daughter. It seemed impossible that this could be the same, sweet Willow they all used to know.

The guilt had left Willow's face. "I didn't do anything to her, just the rest of us," she justified. "I'm trying to wipe my headache, but I'm too drained so stopping the noise was the best I could do. Are you saying that no one else is bothered by the incessant crying?"

Tara response came in a voice louder than she expected, as a result of her anger and the need to be heard over the crying baby. "We're all bothered! But we deal with it. She's a baby who has been stuck in a car for the entire day. She's bored. She's tired. She's hungry. We all understand why she's crying and none of us would _ever _use magick to make it stop."

"Well if she's bored, I can just conjure her something. Ohhh, I bet she'd love the Tinkerbelle li -"

Unexpectedly, Tara was filled with a buzzing as her power crackled around her. "No magick!" she demanded, and it all released and they both fell back into their seats, unconscious.

Anya shrieked. "Tara killed Willow!"

The next thing Tara was aware of was Buffy sitting practically on her lap trying to find her pulse.

Batting the hand her, she groaned, "I'm alive, Buff."

"Wills' ok too," Xander announced, reaching over the seat to assess Willow from his position behind her. "But man does she look crappy."

"What happened?" Buffy asked gently.

"Um." Tara struggled to think straight with a pounded head and the still crying Olivia. "I think I bound her. I didn't mean to though."

"What to you mean?" Buffy pressed.

Tara paused to gather her thoughts. "She can't do magick until I release her. But I don't really understand how. She's much more powerful then I am. Unless-"

Tara thought back to the day Willow had given her the baby. _Promise you'll never let me hurt her. _She had promised Willow, a sealed promise, never to be broken. Perhaps that was where her power came from. Something much more powerful than the magicks of Rack and Willow. The promise of two lovers to protect a child.

"She can't hurt Olivia," Tara finally concluded. "That's how I did it."

"No magicks from the uber-witch," Xander reflected. "I think we'll all sleep a little better knowing that."

Buffy finally agreed that they were probably safe enough to stop for dinner and then the night. Willow had come to by the time they stopped and followed them in the restaurant, refusing to say a word to any of them or eat more than a forkful of food. It was a complete contrast to her daughter who reveled at being allowed out of her car seat and babbled non-stop from her seat on Tara's lap as she tried tiny bits of food from nearly everyone's plate. Tara was pleased at how much she seemed to be enjoying solids, though she hated to think about weaning her anytime soon. She loved the closeness nursing allowed them.

As they waited for the check, Tara passed Olivia to her Uncle Xander and walked towards the bathrooms. She knew immediately that Willow was following her, but didn't turn around until they were right outside of the bathrooms, hidden from their friends.

"What the hell did you do to me?" Willow demanded immediately, her eyes flashing black even though no magick flickered in the air.

"I'm protecting Olivia," Tara stated simply.

"I can feel you everywhere, wrapped all around me," Willow explained, her voice still filled with venom.

Tara had to close her eyes against the pain caused by those words delivered in such a tone. It was a mistake though because all it did was fill her mind's eye with images of Willow's naked body entwined tightly with hers, so close that they did feel each other everywhere. Steeling herself against the pain, Tara opened her eyes to look at Willow once again.

"You're so pure," Willow whispered. "My magicks don't work with yours so close."

Their eyes met, and Tara instinctively knew that Willow was remembering the same thing she was. Memories of the time when their grasped hands made them feel unstoppable, their magicks combining perfectly to fill them both with more power than either of them had thought possible. _And now their so different that Willow's won't even function with mine anywhere near,_ she thought bitterly.

"Undo it!" Willow demanded, suddenly angry.

Tara didn't back down. "No. I will never let you hurt Olivia. I promised you that."

"Dammit, Tara. I can't live without my magicks."

Willow started to cry and it was all Tara could do not to pull her into her arms and hold her close. But she knew she couldn't make things better that way and there was no way she was going to give Willow what she wanted. Instead she answered with a sharp retort, "It's time to learn."

She walked away without a backward glance and held it together until collapsing with tears in the bathroom stall, wondering how things had ever gotten so bad.


	5. Chapter 5

Willow leaned back against the bathroom door, listening to Tara's quiet sobs float through the thin wood. The feelings of fury and powerlessness overwhelmed any semblance of rational thought and she was grateful for the barrier that was preventing her from lashing out at Tara in rage. She cradled her head in her hands. _It's not like I'm a risk to her right now. I can't hurt her without my magicks. _Not that she could bear to ever hurt Tara again.

_Violate my mind. _The words rang out in her memory making Willow grateful that Tara didn't know. Willow prayed Tara would never find out what she had done at her lowest point, consumed by the magicks and her own desperation.

"What's going on?" a sharp voice suddenly demanded.

Willow pushed a lock of her from her face to look up at Buffy, who was standing over her, her face filled with accusations. "I made her cry," Willow explained weakly.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Go sit down, Will. I'll take care of this."

Obeying the order, Willow slid back into the booth next to Dawn, watching silently as the girl played peek-a-boo with her daughter.

A few minutes later, Buffy emerged with a red-eyed Tara and announced it was time to head over to the hotel. They were all exhausted from the day's events. Xander tucked his credit card back into his wallet and scooped up Olivia. It seemed that since Gile's return to England, he had taken the place of the father figure.

Willow felt like a silent intruder, watching the dynamics of the group. They were all so comfortable together. She had once been an integral part of the little family, but now she was fully on the outskirts. As they stepped outside in the cooling night air, Xander tossed Olivia lightly into the air, causing her to squeal and Tara to shriek. Tara snatched the baby back, clutching her close as she admonished Xander. _She's a better mother than I'll ever be_. Willow could never fully express her gratitude that Tara and all of Scoobies had accepted Olivia as part of the gang.

After a brief drive, they pulled into the hotel parking lot and the others unpacked their duffels and a portal crib. Willow realized she had nothing.

"How many rooms?" the receptionist asked Buffy once they were inside.

The group hesitated, before Anya's voice rang out much too loudly. "Xander and I need our own to have sex."

Dawn jumped in. "I want to stay with Tara and Olivia."

"No, Dawn," Buffy contradicted. "I want you to stay with me."

"But that means…" Tara started, before trailing off awkwardly.

_That I would have to be with Tara, _Willow heard the end of the sentence as clearly as if she had said it. _And that just won't work,_ she thought with some amount of bitterness.

After an extended and overly-analytical debate that left the receptionist tapping his foot with impatience, they decided on two rooms, one for the lovers and one for the girls. It would be crowded, but as Buffy stated, much safer for everyone. Willow could tell the how uneasy Buffy was. Certainly this little adventure had to be reminding her of fleeing Sunnydale to protect Dawn from Glory. Her protective big sister side was coming out in full force.

Willow sighed. Everything was so messed up, and so much of it was her fault.

* * *

><p>Tara sat on the end of the queen bed she would be sharing with Dawn as Olivia nursed, one of her hands stroking Tara's chest in the repetitive motion of a baby who was nearly asleep. Tara reached out and captured the tiny hand, smiling as the delicate fingers wrapped around the tip of her thumb. Pulling her attention away from the baby, she glanced toward Willow who was lying on the other bed in one of Xander's t-shirts, looking impossibly frail.<p>

Sighing, she instead looked at the precious life that had come from Willow. Olivia's suckling had slowed and her eyes nearly closed. Gently, Tara detached her and slipped her sleep shirt back down. Gathering the little body close, she stood up and rocked Olivia for a few minutes before laying her down in the crib. Tara climbed into bed herself, exhausted after not having slept the night before.

Dawn snuggled up next to her and Tara put an arm around the teenager who was clearly more unsettled by the destruction of her home town than she had let on previously. Enjoying the secure feeling of being so close to a loved one, Tara murmured, "Night, Dawnie." In an after thought, she added, "Night, Willow."

She received no answer from the red-headed witch alone in the other bed. But the shower shut off in the bathroom, so Tara closed her eyes knowing that Buffy would soon be beside Willow and they would all have someone close as they slept.

_All five of Tara's senses were completely engulfed by Willow as she watched her naked lover arch into her hand. Tara was acutely aware of the touch of each inch of their sweaty bodies, the scent of Willow's arousal, the taste of her clinging to Tara's lips, the sound of her moans, the sight of her red hair spread across the pillow. The experience consumed her and she willingly let it. _

"_Tara, Tara," Willow moaned and Tara moved her fingers faster and harder in response. _

"Tara! Tara!"

Tara woke slightly and became aware of her surroundings. Dawn was sprawled beside her, sound asleep and Willow was no where to be seen. Instead Buffy was standing over her, calling her name.

"Is it Olivia?" Tara asked frantically, sitting up.

The dim room couldn't hide the concern on Buffy's face as she replied, "No, Willow."

Tara climbed out of bed, still reacquainting herself with reality. The dream had felt so real and the dampness she could feel in her panties let her know that her body had thought it was real as well.

Shaking her head back and forth a little to wake herself up, she followed Buffy to the bathroom. Her eyes instinctively closed at the harsh lighting, but she forced them into a squint as she took in the sight on Willow huddled in a corner, shaking. The smell of sweat and vomit overtook the tiny room.

"I heard her get sick earlier," Buffy explained softly. "She's been shaking like that for a few minutes now and I don't know what to do."

Tara nodded, and sunk to the floor beside Willow, keeping a distance between them.

"Willow, look at me," she soothed.

A convulsion ran through Willow's body and she shoved Tara's body out of the way as she lunged for the toilet and began to dry heave. Tara winced at the sight, and couldn't stop herself from reaching out to gently rub Willow's back.

After a couple minutes, Willow moved from the toilet to lean against the tub. The fluorescent lighting made her look more pale than Tara ever thought possible.

"I need my magick," Willow whispered in a hoarse voice. "This is happening because it's gone."

"I know, sweetheart. But I have another idea," Tara suggested.

Before she could explain, Willow's head fell to the side as she lost consciousness. Buffy was immediately there to help Tara ease her down onto the tiled floor.

"What's wrong with her?" Buffy asked. "What's your idea to fix it?"

Tara paused, gathering her thoughts before she launched into an explanation. "She's had the magic in her for so long, it's a shock to her system now that it's gone. The darkness was destroying her, but now so is its absence."

"Ok, fine," Buffy cut in. "But how to we fix it?"

Despite everything that had occurred in the last two years, Tara could see genuine concern for Willow etched on Buffy's face. The friendship between the girls was one that could never be erased completely. Neither time nor magick had that kind of power.

"I'm going to dose her with my magick," Tara declared.

"Really? You think that'll work? Isn't it just like giving a meth addict a shot of herion?" Buffy asked.

"No!" Tara said firmly. "Magick isn't like drugs – there's nothing in it that is inherently addictive or bad. It's just the dark magicks that have the tendency to take over the essence of a person. Her magicks used to be just like mine, and I think with enough time they could be like that again."

Without waiting for a response from Buffy, Tara laid a hand of the center of Willow's chest and poured herself into Willow. The surrounding air crackled and hummed and Tara struggled to keep herself grounded as she connected with Willow again in a way that had once been so special to the two of them.

Having still not recovered from her extreme magick use that morning, Tara could not give Willow nearly as much as she would have liked. She stopped after only a few minutes, looking up at Buffy in exhaustion.

"Her color looks better," Buffy noted, gesturing to the still unconscious redhead.

Tara nodded. "We should get her back to bed." She moved to help pick up Willow, but Buffy stepped in and easily lifting Willow into her arms.

After Buffy laid Willow down on the bed, Tara grabbed her arm and indicated that Buffy should sleep with Dawn instead.

_Are you sure? _Buffy mouthed.

To confirm her commitment, Tara climbed into the bed beside Willow. She had been the one to suggest the course of action, so she would be right there all night, in case something went wrong. And she couldn't lie; it felt amazing to be in bed with Willow once again. Tara snuggled up right beside her, spooning her body around Willow's impossibly slender form. _It's to make sure she's ok, that all, _Tara thought to herself, but even in her head the words didn't sound convincing.


	6. Chapter 6

The tug of a familiar presence pulled Tara's attention from her bagel. She looked up and, as expected, her gaze fell on Willow who was standing by the elevators, looking like a lost child. Tara's heart went out to her and she abandoned her breakfast to go over to her.

"Willow. How do you feel?" she asked gently.

Willow bit her lip in a manner that could only be described as adorable. They had left her sleeping in the room and Tara was amazed to see how much better she looked as compared to the girl who had been laying in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Although still no where close to healthy, some of her color was back and she didn't look like she would collapse at any moment.

"I'm ok," she said quietly.

"Good. Come over and get some breakfast. You need to eat."

"Dawn's really good with her," Willow observed, acting as if she hadn't even heard Tara's words.

Tara followed her gaze to where Dawn was helping Olivia walk around the breakfast area. The girl was hunched over slightly as Olivia held her pointer fingers in a tight grasp as she took teetering little steps.

"She always has been." Tara reflecting on the first time she had seen Dawn interact with Olivia.

_Trying to shake her nerves, Tara walked into the Magic Box, Olivia held securely against her in the sling Tara had purchased that morning. Even after only three days caring for the baby, Tara knew she must look as frazzled and sleep deprived as any new mother. She was not ready to confront the rest of the Scoobies and inform them of the new development in her life. But at the same time, they deserved to know where Willow's baby was. And she needed more of the herbs Willow had given her. Her milk was still not coming in as consistently as she needed it to despite the seemingly constant stimulation a hungry newborn was giving her breasts._

"_Tara!" Dawn squealed as soon as she stepped in the dimly lit shop. Dawn ran over to give her a hug, stopping abruptly as she saw the baby in the sling. "You had a baby too?" Dawn asked, the confusion momentarily overcoming her common sense._

"_No, Dawnie," Tara explained kindly. "It's Olivia."_

"_Thank god," Buffy said, having come over to join them in the entryway. "We've been looking for Willow for two days. There's no sign of her."_

_Tara felt tightness grip her chest. She had seen the desperation in Willow's eyes and had a sinking suspicion that she was once again deep into the magicks that no one with a soul had any business attempting the control. _

"_We've been so worried about little Olivia," Buffy concluded._

"_Can I hold her?" Dawn pleaded. _

"_Yes, of course." Tara lifted the sleepy infant from the sling. "Make sure you support her head. She likes to be held tight, like this." She demonstrated, before passing the baby into Dawn's eager arms. _

"_Oh," she cooed to Olivia. "You've gotten so much bigger. And you are so cute. And getting some hair. Yes you are."_

_Buffy took Dawn by the shoulders to help guide her back to the table in her state of distraction. Tara followed, nearly collapsing into the nearest chair. _

"_You look awful, Tara," Anya pointed out. "No wonder so many new mothers order vengeance spells. Those little things just suck the life out of you. Sometimes literally. Once, a woman wished that her husband would be drained by their baby so-" _

"_Anya!" Xander cut into the ramble. "I think we have some things to discuss."_

_Anya frowned and muttered to herself, but allowed Buffy to ask, "Tara, what's going on?"_

_Tara sighed. "She's a mess. She gave me the baby on Wednesday. It's a relatively permanent arrangement."_

"_You mean you're keeping her?" Dawn explained. "Oh my god, you have to move in with Buffy and me. I'll babysit, like, _whenever _you need me to!"_

"_Aw, Dawn, that's sweet," Tara started to decline._

_Buffy cut her off before she could finish. "No, Tara, Dawn is right. You should not have to take care of her on your own. And a college dorm is no place for a baby. Oh! We'll turn the extra bedroom into a nursery and you can have your old room."_

_Before the issue could be fully discussed, Olivia started squalling. Dawn looked at Tara, slightly panicked. "What's wrong with her?"_

_Tara sighed as she thought through her mental checklist of feedings, diapers, and sleeping. "It could be anything. I can take her."_

"_But I want to help you," Dawn protested._

"_Try rocking her then," Tara suggested. She watched as Dawn awkwardly found a way to rock the baby in the hard little chair she was seated in._

"_Aw, her eyes are closing," Dawn whispered after a couple minutes._

_Tara smiled. "Good, sleep is good." It was all she could do to keep her own eyes open._

_Buffy caught her sleepy expression. "No question. You are coming to live with us. Tara, no one should have to do this on their own."_

_Tara nodded slowly and Dawn just grinned._

"I just don't know what to do with her," Willow whispered, drawing Tara from the memory.

"Huh?" Tara was genuinely confused.

"With Olivia," Willow clarified. "I have no idea how to act around her. All the rest of you are so good at making her smile and teaching her things and she loves you all. I don't know how to do that. How to make her - " She stopped abruptly, the words _love me_ practically hanging in the air.

"Oh, Will." Tara's heart ached for her ex-girlfriend who currently seemed to be no more than an insecure teenage who didn't know how to make friends. "It's so easy. Olivia is such a sweet baby and she's going to adore you. Just be yourself. Make silly faces. Try some Willow-babble; she loves to be talked to."

Willow nodded slowly. "I could do that. I used to be an excellent babbler. Practically an expert really. If I was smart I would have gotten a patent on babbling so I could make money every time someone else does it."

Tara smirked. "I see you haven't lost your touch. Come on."

Olivia grinned up at Tara when she caught sight of her coming over, letting go of Dawn's fingers to reach for Tara to pick her up. Completely unsteady on her feet, she would have fallen if not for Tara swiftly swooping in to scoop her up.

"Hi baby-girl." She nuzzled her face in the downy red hair, breathing in the baby smell she could never get enough of. Olivia stuck a fistful of Tara's hair in her mouth in response.

Willow giggled at the sight, and Olivia turned her head at the sound. Willow's mouth formed a little "O" upon realization that she had her daughter's attention. "Hi Olivia," Willow started. "You are doing a good job learning how to walk. One step at a time and all. I bet you'll be running soon and then everyone will get tired from having to chase you all the time."

Olivia grinned, reaching out to grab for Willow's hair.

"Here, why don't you hold her?" Tara offered, depositing Olivia into Willow's arms. "Just be warned, she'll pull your hair."

"Yeah," Dawn jumped in. "Tara braids mine all the time now just because of Olivia's new little habit."

Olivia reached up a chubby hand to pat the tempting red curls. But after the momentary excitement wore off, she glanced at Tara nervously, remembering that a stranger was holding her. Tara smiled encouragingly, but Olivia made her about to cry face and lunged forward, throwing her whole weight in Tara's direction, trusting that she would be caught. Tara prevented her from tumbling to the floor but didn't lift her from Willow's arms.

"Olivia, you're ok," she cooed. "Willow, talk to her."

But Willow didn't say anything, and the next time Olivia lunged at Tara, Willow let go so Tara had no choice but to take her back.

"Breakfast," Willow mumbled, walking briskly away.

Tara watched her go sadly.

"That went well," Dawn muttered sarcastically.

"Yeah… Here, Dawn, can you take Olivia? I'm going to make sure Will eats something." Olivia went willingly over to Dawn, highlighting even more the distance between Willow and her daughter.


	7. Chapter 7

"Time for a Scoobie meeting," Buffy announced, coming over to the table where they were finishing breakfast. Willow had been feeling better until that point. Tara had forced her to eat nearly half of a bagel and the food had settled in her stomach well enough that it would likely not come back up. When Tara was holding Olivia, Willow was much more comfortable talking to the baby, knowing how hard to was to make her cry when she was safe in Tara's arms.

However, Buffy's declaration swiftly deflated her mood. She moved to stand up, murmuring, "I'll just go over there."

"No, Willow, I want to here for this," Buffy said firmly.

Willow looked up to see her own resolve face clearly coloring Buffy's face. There would be no leaving until the Slayer said she could.

Buffy began, "I just got off the phone with Giles. He and the coven in England have determined that the magick forces are gone for Sunnydale. However, basically the hellmouth is pissed that they tried to destroy it and the demony forces are at full strength. I need to get back there soon to fight stuff." Willow could detect a hint of adrenaline in Buffy's eyes and knew that on some level the Slayer was excited. Though she was not match for powerful magicks, demons were something she could handle.

"Willow, where do you think Rack and the others went?" Buffy asked.

Willow was startled to hear a question directed at her. Although it shouldn't have been a surprise. Buffy had wanted her to stay, and for what reason other than to give them information. _It's what I have always done. Research Gal, even now. _

"Whose side are you on, Will?" Buffy insisted, and Willow realized she had gone silent.

It was a fair question. For two years, she had clearly been on the other side, even though she had never come into direct confrontation with any of the Scoobies. Still, ever since that fight with Buffy, things had never been the same.

_It was one of those rare days when Sunnydale did not live up to its namesake and the clouds hung low over the town, threatening to release the water that they contained. Willow walked at a quick pace to the Magic Box, hoping to avoid the inevitable rain. She almost made it, but the clouds released in a downpour when she was a block away, and she entered the shop, shaking water from her hair. _

_Only Buffy, Xander, and Tara sat at the table in the back. Anya was no where to be seen, though Willow could not imagine what could have tempted her to leave her precious money. It was better this way, though. It would be easier with only the presence of those who deserved to hear this from her. _

"_Willow!" Buffy exclaimed as her Slayer senses kicked in. "What are you doing here?"_

_The question was warranted. Willow hardly seen any of them in nearly three months, since Buffy had kicked her out of the house. "This isn't the end of our friendship. I will still be here for you," Buffy had said. But it had been an end of sorts, and things were never the same. _

"_I have an announcement I guess," Willow explained, hesitating before finishing with, "I'm having a baby," and moving aside her jacket to reveal the roundness of a stomach that was nearly six months pregnant. _

_The news was received by a painfully long silence, until Xander got up and gave her a long, close hug. "I'm so excited to be an uncle."_

_Willow almost smiled, but was stopped by the stern expression on Buffy's face. "We haven't seen you in months, but you come by to tell us this?" she said with a harshness that made Willow shake a little. _

"_Buffy, please," Xander begged, "Let's not chase Willow away."_

"_It's ok, Xander," Willow assured him. "I know this is unexpected, and I know we are not close anymore. However, at one point we were and I want my baby to know you."_

_Before they could answer, a choked sound came from the table, and Willow was forced to acknowledge Tara's presence. Her face was deathly pale and there was a hurt present that could have brought Willow to her knees in shared pain if she would have let it. Willow had known Tara would be hurt; after all, the baby had been conceived only weeks after their relationship had ended, and that was obvious enough from the size of Willow's stomach. Tara would surely assume Willow had laid with another, and Willow was not going to correct that assumption, whatever pain it would bring to the woman who had once been the center of her world. _

"_I want you to be part of the baby's life too, Tara," Willow had to say. And it was true. Completely. _

_Tara jumped up from the table and ran back into the training room, quickly followed by Xander. As soon as the door slammed behind him, Buffy rounded on Willow. _

"_How could you?" Buffy seethed. "Flounce in here and tell Tara you've been knocked up, and then asking her to help with the baby? It's completely unacceptable. She's been a mess since you left her and this will destroy her." _

_Willow had been feeling guilty until the last line provoked her anger. "I left her? She's left me! This was her choice!"_

"_No, Willow. You left her long before she was strong enough to walk out that door," Buffy claimed. _

_Willow had no response to that, and instead returned to the subject of the baby. "It's fine. I don't need you guys. This baby and I will make it on our own!"_

Willow had left the shop that day before Buffy could response, but she had never been on her own. Xander had checked on her weekly during her pregnancy to make sure she eating right, Buffy had been present at Olivia's birth, and Tara of course had taken in the baby as her own. And even now they had saved her life and taken her with them out of Sunnydale. _They've always been on my side, _Willow realized suddenly. And her loyalty would always lay first with the Scoobies.

"They said they would fight the hellmouth to the death. So they are probably dead," Willow said quietly.

A warm hand covered hers, and Willow smiled at her daughter, stroking the baby's hand. She never would have guessed someone who couldn't even talk could be so comforting.

"Ok good," Buffy said. "If they aren't, we'll deal with them accordingly."

She gave Willow an intense look, as if daring a contradiction. Willow remained silent, unwilling to stand up for Rack and the others in this setting. She had agreed with Rack's original plan. Using the magicks to harness the power of the hellmouth and seal it forever would have made her and the others more powerful than anyone could imagine and permanently closing the hellmouth could hardly be considered a bad thing. However, she had been betrayed and would never align herself with Rack and his crowd again. He had lied to her about when the plan would be carried out, risking her daughters life, and she had serious doubt as to whether that blow which had knocked her out had been entirely accidental. _He's worried that I'm more powerful than he is. And he should be. _She momentarily forgot that she currently had no access to the magicks.

"So the Xander-mobile is headed to back Sunnydale," Xander concluded. "Let's go."

* * *

><p>Tara stood up, settling Olivia on her hip. She caught Willow's frail arm as the others started to leave, holding her back.<p>

"Can I talk to you?" she asked the redhead quietly.

Willow gave her an inquisitive look.

"About last night…" Tara trailed off, not entirely sure what she wanted to know.

"I only remember pieces," Willow muttered, letting her red locks hang over her eyes in a gesture more characteristic of Tara than herself. "But I can feel what you did."

"I'd like to keep doing it," Tara told her. "I'm stronger now after sleeping and I could give you more than last time. I think it could help. Help you. Get better."

Willow shook her head slowly. "That's not what I want Tara. I'm not like you anymore. As soon as we're back and I'm away from the baby, your binding spell won't hold. I can make it until then."

Their eyes meet and Tara felt the pricking of tears, even as she stared into those expressive, green eyes. She knew Willow could see them as well.

Willow broke the gaze first. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be that weak little girl who thought floating a pencil made her a witch."

Tara felt the fury rise within her at the insult to her type of magicks. If only Willow had half a clue she would see how she was letting the darkness was destroy her. Only Willow had the power to make her feel such strong emotions, and she surely would have lashed out at her if not for the innocent little girl in her arms that didn't deserve to hear them scream at each other.

"You are incredibly selfish," Tara whispered harshly, before brushing past her to go back up to leave.

* * *

><p>The hours back to Sunnydale were horribly long for Willow. Since the fight with Tara, she found herself in the position where the only person who wasn't mad at her was ten months old and not big on conversation that involved actual words.<p>

Though the time with Olivia was quickly reminding Willow why she had stayed away. The baby was absolutely adorable, _though how could she not be?, _and her babbling was entirely endearing. Olivia was almost enough to convince Willow that she should let Tara take control of the magicks within her. Almost.

But eight hours is not long enough to change the habits of two years, so when they reached the Summer's house, Willow gave Olivia a quick peck on the cheek before giving her up to Tara once again. She was careful not to meet Tara's gaze again, knowing that the pain and love she would find in those crystal blue eyes would push her close to the breaking point.

"Where to, Will?" Xander asked once the girls were all safe inside the still standing home.

Willow bit her lip. She had been staying with Rack lately, but she was not desperate enough to go back to that hellhole. _Plus I won't be able to find it right now. _Tara's binding spell had not yet released, which was to be expected, given that they were still parked right outside her home.

"My parent's house, I guess," Willow finally decided, crossing her fingers that they would be out of the country as usual. Seeing them always lead to too many questions and too much psychoanalyzing. She had lost perfect child status the moment she had dropped out of UC Sunnydale and she didn't think she could stand listening to her mother lecture her.

The van stopped, and Willow was stopped from getting out by Xander's voice. "I hope we see you around a little more, Willow. That beautiful little girl of yours deserves to know you."

Willow gave him a tight nod that did not indicate any type of commitment and climbed out. She walked up her singed lawn, and felt above the doorframe for her spare key. Letting herself into the thankfully empty house, she walked in her childhood bedroom and collapsed on her bed. Even with her magicks bound, Willow could sense that Giles had been correct in staying that Rack and the others were finished. The town was quiet, though surely the cemeteries were teeming with dark creatures of the hellmouth. The destruction of the town was evident, but not as complete as Willow may have anticipated. Trying to quiet the many thoughts fluttering about in her head, she closed her eyes and tried to sleep while waiting for the binding spell to break.


	8. Chapter 8

_I still have her. _It had been the first thought to cross Tara's awareness for the past week, and it was the same that particular morning. The binding spell was still in place, preventing Willow from using the magicks. It was most unexpected. Willow had been correct in her prediction that with Tara's level of power it should have broken as soon as Willow was no longer in close proximity with Olivia. But it hadn't and Tara could still feel the threads of power connecting her to the redhead.

Aside from that, life was returning to normalcy. The brand new Sunnydale High had already been destroyed, but, to Dawn's dismay, classes had quickly been resumed in the temporary site that had been utilized before the new school had been completed. Buffy had been fighting hard, reducing the demon population to its usual, but unfortunately large size. Tara was almost done with her final college requirement and would be graduating in a couple weeks. She already had a paid research position lined up with one of her professors, researching the history of mystical activity in Sunnydale. _Hardly a research project_ Tara thought cynically. _More like my life. _

She was drawn from the tempting warmth of her bed as she heard Olivia babbling to herself over the baby monitor. The baby could entertain herself for a while, but she would be crying soon if Tara didn't come in to get her up. Rolling out of bed, Tara found her robe and went into the nursery.

"Morning, sunshine," Tara said in a sing-song voice, opening the curtains to let in some light before lifting Olivia out of the crib to change her diaper. Tara let Olivia nurse for a few minutes before bringing her downstairs to feed her some rice cereal while she got Dawn's breakfast ready.

"Good morning, Tara," Giles greeted her as she walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Mr. Giles," she responded, before blinking in shock. "Mr. Giles! What are you doing here? Buffy didn't tell me you had come back from London!"

He chuckled. "Well, I just got in at an obscenely early hour this morning. It's unexpected, but I have missed all of you. Look at Olivia, she certainly has grown!"

Tara was left with the distinct feeling that he wasn't telling her everything, but she didn't feel the need to press the issue at that moment. "I know. She'll be walking before her first birthday, I bet." She passed the baby over to her unofficial grandfather. "I'm making Dawn breakfast, would you like anything?"

"Your famous pancakes are one of the best parts of America, Tara dear."

Tara flushed at the compliment as she stirred up Olivia's cereal and passed the bowl to Gile's so he could feed the baby.

"So does Buffy know you're here?" Tara asked as she poured the ingredients for a larger than usual batch of pancakes.

"Oh yes," Giles replied. "She woke up to greet me, but since has passed out on the couch."

Tara peaked into the living room to confirm his statement. The Slayer was sprawled out on the couch, snoring loudly, her mouth hanging open. "Well, she'll be up as soon as she smells breakfast."

"Ba, ba, ba," Olivia squealed.

"Or if Olivia keeps that up," she amended, reaching out a hand to tickle the baby's belly.

Tara and Giles continued to chat until the smell of pancakes indeed brought the Summer's girls into the kitchen, and the house became a bustle of activity with Dawn getting ready for school and Buffy and Giles discussing their plans for training while he was in town.

Eventually, they all left for their various activities, leaving Tara with a baby and a messy kitchen.

"Let's get this cleaned up, baby girl. Then we'll get you dressed and then you can play while I study."

"Ah, ah, ah!" Olivia bounced up and down, making it a challenge to put her in a sling so Tara could have both hands free to wash dishes, while still keeping the baby close.

The doorbell rang just as she was wiping up the counters. "I wonder who that could be," Tara said aloud. She peaked out the window to see who was there, a necessary habit for any Sunnydale resident. Just a glimpse of red hair was enough for her to identify the visitor.

"Hey, Will. Come on in." Tara tried not to show her shock at seeing Willow on the doorstep, and assessed the girl's appearance. It wasn't as awful as Tara may have expected knowing that the girl hadn't touched magick in over a week, but it could certainly not be considered healthy. "Do you want breakfast? There are a couple pancakes left over and I made a fruit salad."

"Um, I guess some fruit maybe? Hi, Olivia." Willow looked entirely hesitant and Tara just wanted to wrap her tight in her arms until she got back the bubbly girl she had fallen in love with.

Willow sat down at the counter and it was painfully familiar as Tara got her a bowl of fruit. How many morning had they had breakfast in this kitchen together? All that time when they had lived together in domestic bliss, despite the bleak circumstances that always seemed to surround their lives.

"Do you want to hold Olivia?" Tara asked as she set the food down in front of Willow.

Willow shook her head, so Tara adjusted the sling so she could sit down next to Willow with the baby in her lap, handing Olivia a toy to play with while they talked.

"What's going on, Willow?" Tara asked, not wanting to pry, but still extremely curious.

The redhead still didn't respond, so Tara let her finish eating in silence. When she had finished, Tara gestured that they should move to the living room. As soon as Olivia was set down on the floor, she crawled over to her toy chest which sat on the floor beside the weapons chest that Xander had fit with a pad lock as soon as Olivia learned to crawl. The girls sat down on the couch, as far from each other as possible.

"She's fast," Willow observed in a quiet voice.

Tara nodded. "I know; she can pull herself up on the coffee table now and everything."

The tension from the past two year as well as their fight the week before hung in the air. They sat in silence, glancing at each other nervously, the fact that they both were characteristically shy not doing them any favors. The silence was broken as Olivia crawled over to Tara, pulling herself up on her legs. Tara smiled and held out her hand to the baby, helping her toddle along the edge of the couch to Willow's legs.

"Make sure she doesn't fall and hit her head on the table," Tara warned without thinking, before flushing as she realized who she was talking to. "Sorry," she murmured.

"It's ok," Willow whispered. "I'm happy you think about that kind of thing. Keep her safe."

Tara gave her a half-smile. "Willow, not that you aren't welcome to visit, but what's going on?"

"Giles is here for me, you know," she said, in the same quiet voice.

"No, I don't know," Tara responded. "How do you know he's here? He just got in."

Willow paused before answering to hold Olivia's hand as she walked backed towards Tara. Tara reached out to take the baby's hand as she approached, her fingers lightly grazing Willow's and causing a spark that had nothing to do with magick to travel through her arm.

"He called me this morning," Willow finally answered. "From the m-m-Magic Box." Willow stumbled through the word in a manner more characteristic of Tara. "He wants me to go back to England with him. To help me, I guess."

"Will, it might be a good idea, if he thinks it'll help," Tara suggested. "How have you been, with everything how it is? You look good." She really did. Tara had expected Willow to look much the worse for the wear without the influence of the magicks, but she looked better than she had in a long time.

Willow flushed, her cheeks and neck approaching the color of her hair. "I'm ok," she said without elaborating. "I don't want to go to England."

Tara lifted Olivia into her lap, and wrinkled her nose as she got a proper sniff of the baby. Though she did not want to cut off the conversation that she was finally having with Willow, she said, "I have to change Olivia quick. Do you want to come upstairs?"

Willow didn't answer, but she mimicked Tara's motions as the blonde witch stood from the couch, and followed her up the stairs.

* * *

><p>Willow watched silently as Tara laid Olivia down on the changing table, and started to strip her pajamas.<p>

"Can you pick out an outfit for her? In the second drawer."

Willow was late in processing Tara's request, but after the delay she nodded, moving across the room to the dresser. Upon opening the drawer, she was met an overwhelming variety of tiny outfits, in every bright color available. She pawed through the soft cotton garments, eventually settling on a purple flower shirt with a coordinating skirt.

She set it down on the changing table as Tara secured a clean diaper on the baby and leaned down to blow a raspberry on Olivia's belly. Olivia giggled and clutched at Tara's hair. Willow couldn't help but smile at the interactions between her daughter and this woman. The love between them was so palpable that Willow knew without a doubt that she had done the right thing by both of them in asking Tara to look after Olivia.

"I like that one," Tara commented, referring to the baby outfit as she freed her long locks from Olivia's fists.

"It's cute," Willow agreed, taking a long look at the baby who was crinkling her nose in the most adorable fashion, clearly vying for attention. "Can I get her dressed?"

"Of course!" Tara replied immediately, though Willow was perceptive enough to pick up on her surprise at the question.

Willow moved into where Tara had been standing and pulled the skirt over the baby's legs, smiling at the chunky thighs and the impossibly silky skin. She couldn't help but tickle the tender skin around her belly button, making Olivia smile. Willow traced over the delicate embroidery on the shirt before attempting to pull it over the baby's head, finding it more difficult than expected.

"She has kind of a big head," Tara remarked with a smile as she watched.

"Oh, trust me, I know," Willow muttered. "I remember from when I was trying to shove that head out of my - " She cut her babble off abruptly, blushing when she realized what she had almost said and simultaneously reflecting on the memory.

_Flushed with sweat, Willow glared at the doctor and Buffy, both of whom were demanding that she push. The hours of labor had taken more than a toll on her, and the pain seemed unbearable. Willow had refused the hospital's drugs, having planned to use a simple spell to ease her labor. But as the contractions had become stronger, it was impossible to hold the necessary concentration. Now, so close to the end, Willow didn't think she had the power to float a feather, let alone remove the pain from her body. _

"_Push, Willow, dammit!" Buffy insisted. _

_Responding more to the demands of her body than too Buffy's command, Willow bore down hard, as pain ripped through her body. _

"_Good, the head is out," the doctor announced. _

"_It's a redhead!" Buffy exclaimed._

_Willow glowered. "Do you really need to be looking down there?"_

_Buffy flushed. "Sorry, I just got all excited by the miracle a birth. It's kind of a gross miracle though, to be honest."_

_Willow felt a flash of pain that had nothing to do with the exertions on her body. All she could think of was another woman who should be present for this moment. Who deserved to be present. Tara would see the beauty in this process, in the pain that ripped through a women's body as she brought life into the world. With Tara by her side everything would be different._

_But that's not going to happen, Willow reminded herself, reflecting on her various screw-ups as she pushed once more. As the baby slipped from her body, the room filled with excited commotion. _

"_It's a girl," the doctor announced, quickly assessing the mewling baby._

"_A girl!" Buffy cried. _

_Willow blocked these sounds and all her attention focused on the loosely wrapped and slippery newborn that had been placed on her chest. _

"_Of course she's a girl," Willow murmured sleepily, stroking the wisps of red hair. The baby stopped crying for a moment and looked up at Willow with such familiar blue eyes that she was immediately in love. "Our perfect little girl."_

Willow brought herself back to the present and pulled the shirt over Olivia's head to be met with those same beautiful eyes. She was still so guilty that Tara had not been there for the birth, and that she had missed those first few days of Olivia's life. _She'll hate me if she finds out the truth. When she finds out_. Willow realized in that moment it will inevitable. She could never keep such a secret from the two most important people in her life.

"Willow, I have to ask this bluntly," Tara said as Willow sat down on the floor with Olivia in front of her bookcase. "What's going on? What do you want from me?"

Sighing, Willow looked away from the baby who had decided that _The Very Hungry Caterpillar _belonged in her mouth and was resisting Willow's efforts to show her how to look at the pictures. "I don't want to be away from Olivia. I am doing better; I don't need to go to England."

A pained expression flickered across Tara's face. "You could bring her with you," she whispered so quietly that Willow almost didn't hear the suggestion.

"No!" she responded instantly. "I'm not taking her away from you!"

"Willow." Tara said her name slowly, playing with the syllables gently, though there was not a hint of a stutter. "She's your daughter; not mine. I love her so much, but she belongs with you."

Willow had to bit her lip to keep from contesting that point. _It's too soon_, she reminded herself. _You can explain your biggest betrayal once you get back in control of the magicks._

"Tara, I am not taking her to England. I won't do it," she insisted. "Look at me. I am getting it in control here. No dark stuff for a week now."

"How are you doing it?" Tara asked gently, frown lines marring her beautiful features.

"Can't you feel it?" Willow asked, unable to believe that Tara couldn't. "You keep putting your magicks into me, just like you said you would."

"What? No, I haven't been doing anything," Tara protested, and Willow saw genuine confused on her face.

"Yes, you have." Willow reached out with her mind, tugging on the threads that both bound her powers and connected her to Tara. The small push was all it took for Tara to pour her magicks into Willow, pushing out a little more of the darkness that had been there for far too long.

Tara gasped, as she felt what Willow was doing. "I've been doing that all week, haven't I? I thought it was just the binding spell."

Willow shook her head. "You've been fixing me."

Tara crossed the room, and knelt down in front of Willow. She was so close, Willow only needed to shift her weight and they would be touching. But she resisted, waiting for Tara to speak and letting her take control of this new development.

"Not fixing," Tara whispered. "You've never needed to be fixed, Willow. I just want to guide you back."

Willow asked, "Will you keep doing it? I don't need a coven when I have you."

Tara gave her a half-smile and a slow nod. "Of course I will."

**Please review and let me know what you think about where this story is going. I'll have the next update soon!**


	9. Chapter 9

Holding both of Willow's hands in her own, Tara let herself slip into a meditative step. Her breathing evened out and her body relaxed into the cushions of the bed she had once shared with Willow. But as Tara relaxed, she felt through the power still connecting them that her partner was restless, almost fidgeting.

"Will?" Tara peaked opened an eye. "You ok?"

Willow looked at her with the most adorable admission of guilt. "Sorry, I'm not doing well with this, am I?"

Tara shook her head with an assumed smile. "Is something on your mind? Wait, of course it is. You're Willow. There is always something going on in there."

"That's me." Willow grinned, and then let the expression fade to a more concerned look. "I'm just thinking about little Olivia. She's with _Anya_, of all people." She gave a dramatic shudder.

Tara chuckled. "I'm sure she's fine. Buffy and Giles are there too."

"Right, but they're probably in the back training. And that leaves Olivia alone with someone who only talks about vengeance, sex, and money."

Tara squeezed the hands she was still holding. "Anya's taken care of her before. She's surprising maternal. I suppose she's seen plenty of babies in her life. But, Willow, if you're really uncomfortable with it, we can go to the Magic Box right now and pick her up."

Willow shook her head, giving Tara a wry smile. "Nah, I'm just being silly. Let's try this again."

This time Tara felt Willow following her into the meditative state, substantially more relaxed. Tara was pushing Willow to practice relaxation exercises frequently, before she would release the binding spell. It would be a major part of helping her regain control over the magicks and to keep the darkness at bay.

After a couple hours of meditation, Tara led them both back to full consciousness. The empty house suddenly seemed quite loud, as she was now acutely aware of the hum of the air conditioning, the ticking of the clock, and the buzz of a lawnmower down the street. Keeping her eyes closed for a minute, she let herself readjust to her surrounding, but opened them when she felt the bed shift.

Willow was sitting forward on her knees, using their clasped hands to steady herself. Her flawless face was only inches away, and Tara could read her intensions in those big, green eyes. Licking her lips in anticipation, she leaned forward a bit too, as Willow murmured, "You're beautiful."

They both ignored the sound of the front door opening, too preoccupied by what was about to happen. But they could no longer ignore it, when Buffy shouted, "Willow! Tara! Get down here now!"

Tara leaped off the bed first, nearly knocking Willow over in her haste to check on Olivia. Willow still seemed a little dazed from the almost-kiss, but Tara heard her get out as she sprinted into the hallway.

"Buffy, they are mediating. No sudden interruptions." Tara heard Giles reprimanding Buffy as she thundered down the stairs.

"What's wrong?" Tara gasped, her eyes falling immediately to Olivia, who looked content and unharmed.

Buffy looked rightfully guilty. "Nothing's wrong. Sorry for scaring you and pulling you out of that deep relaxation thing."

Giles pulled off his glasses and started to clean them. "Meditation is not to be taken lightly. It is a …."

"What's going on?" Willow asked as she appeared on the stairs behind Tara.

"So mental note, no alarmed cries when you live on a hellmouth," Buffy commented. "But look at Olivia!"

Tara's attention was finally drawn fully to the tiny redhead standing next to Buffy. Standing being the operative word. The little girl was balancing on her own two feet, not holding on to anything.

"Ma!" Olivia exclaimed when she saw Tara.

Tara walked down the rest of the stairs and knelt down a couple feet away from Olivia and held out her arms, encouraging her to take a step. Olivia just grinned and dropped to the floor, crawling over to Tara and climbing into her arms.

Tara giggled and tickled the baby. "You are such a big girl," she praised. "Standing up, you are so big!" She set Olivia on her feet to see if the action would be repeated. After wavering for a moment, she found her balance and stood for a moment before her attention was drawn to a stuffed toy lying nearby on the living room carpet. She crawled over to it and inserted the floppy ear of a puppy into her mouth.

"Wow," Willow murmured. "She stood."

The awe on the mother's face was beautiful as she witnessed a milestone in her child's life for the first time. It made Tara ache, wishing that Willow could have been there for the first smile, the first tooth, learning to crawl, everything that she had missed.

"Pretty amazing," Tara agreed, wiping at a tear that had escaped despite her refusal to cry.

"Indeed," Giles affirmed. "May I also inquire about your progress, Willow?"

"Um yeah," Willow answered. "We meditated and I think I'm doing a little better."

Tara shook her head with a smile, "She's doing much better Giles. We'll be practicing simple spells together in a matter of weeks at this rate."

Willow beamed a little at the praise. "I have a most excellent teacher."


	10. Chapter 10

As May began, the Scoobies found themselves unconsciously braced for the disaster that always seems to accompany that time of year. However, it remained quiet and on one particularly sunny day, Tara packed up Olivia and a picnic lunch, calling Willow at the last minute before heading out the door.

"Hello?" she heard across the line as Willow picked up on the other end.

"Hi, Willow," Tara responded. "I was just going to take Olivia to the park and was wondering if you wanted to join us."

"Sure!" Willow agreed immediately. Tara was not surprised; it seemed that Willow rarely had plans, something that concerned Tara when she thought about how busy the redhead had kept herself while they were dating.

However, she continued the conversation without expressing her worry. "Great, you'll meet us there?"

"The one by the high school or the cemetery?"

Tara grinned inwardly, only in Sunnydale. "I was thinking the high school."

"Alright, see you there!"

After hanging up the phone, Tara lifted Olivia onto the counter and carefully dabbed sunscreen onto her face and limbs. Olivia squirmed, but Tara wouldn't let her get away. "You're a red head living in California, sweetheart. Get used to this."

Tara tied a sun bonnet on top of the mop of red hair before carrying Olivia and all her things outside, where she tucked the baby into her stroller and set off for the park.

She crossed paths with Willow about two blocks before the park.

"Hi!" Willow greeted Tara with enthusiasm before leaning over the stroller to kiss Olivia. "Oh, a picnic! Yay!" Willow exclaimed before blushing. "I mean, if it's for sharing. It can just be for you and Olivia, you don't have to feed me."

Tara smiled at Willow's sweetness. "I'd never think to exclude you from a picnic," she teased lightly.

Willow grinned in response and the two fell into step for the rest of the walk. When they got there, Tara spread a blanket out in a grassy spot in the shade and lifted Olivia out of the stroller. The moment she was set on the blanket, Olivia crawled off of it and into the grass where she crawled with careful examination of the new substance beneath her.

"She's not really into the whole playground thing yet, but she loves outside," Tara explained to Willow. "She also loves trying to eat grass." Tara leaned over Olivia as she said this and fished some of the named substance out of her mouth.

Willow giggled and held out her hands to her daughter. "Come here, Olivia." Olivia allowed Willow to help her into a standing position and toddled around while holding both of her mother's hands. Tara felt so happy and content seeing the pair. Over the past weeks they had gotten to know each other better than they ever had, and it was beautiful to see. Stretching across the blanket, Tara laid on her back, watching wisps of clouds move slowly overhead through the leaves off the tree above her.

Although she didn't remember falling asleep, Tara realized she must have when she opened her eyes to see Willow kneeling beside her, a fussy Olivia in her arms.

"Sorry to wake you," Willow apologized. "But I think Olivia's getting hungry."

Tara rubbed her eyes and glanced at her watch, it was indeed lunchtime. Sitting up slowly, she said, "I'll get the food I packed."

"No, I'll do it," Willow volunteered, passing over Olivia and hopping up to retrieve their lunch.

Willow excitedly unpacked the sandwiches that Tara had made that morning, and the cut up turkey and strawberries for Olivia.

"Is this for me?" she joked. "You don't think I can eat?"

Tara smiled back, but broke into full on laughter as Willow picked that moment to take a big bite of her sandwich, causing the slippery vegetables to slide out the other end and fall onto her shirt.

"Maybe I should have cut up your food," Tara teased, laughing as Willow blushed lightly and picked off the bits of lettuce and cucumber and rubbed at the wet spots left behind with a napkin.

"I guess I am not totally an expert sandwich eater," Willow confirmed.

They were able to finish their sandwiches without another incident, taking turns feeding Olivia pieces of her lunch. At home, Tara would let her pick up food by herself, but in the park it seemed a messy hazard. As it was, Tara found strawberry smeared above the baby's ear and down a leg when she wiped her down after they finished eating. Tara changed Olivia's diaper quickly, and then found herself with a baby snuggled into her arms, nuzzling into her chest, and looking up at her with expectant eyes.

Tara found herself feeling oddly shy. She had not nursed Olivia in front of Willow since fleeing Sunnydale weeks ago, and this sunny park felt much more exposed than a dark car or hotel room. However, Olivia was starting to fuss in a way that would lead to a full on cry if her demands were not meet immediately.

Averting her eyes from Willow, she muttered, "she needs her milk," before pulling a blanket out of the diaper bag and draping it lightly over Olivia before pulling up her shirt and moving her nursing bra out of the way.

"Tara," Willow said quietly, "You know you don't have to cover up in front of me." Her voice then took on a lighter tone. "Besides, would you really want to eat with a blanket over your head? I know I wouldn't. I struggled enough with that sandwich as is. I can't imagine the results if someone had put me under a blanket."

Tara was embarrassed, knowing that Willow was right. She pushed the blanket aside, but kept gaze focused down on Olivia. Her body could sense that she was being stared at, and she didn't have to look up to know where Willow's eyes were glued.

Olivia finished, and Tara covered herself once again before snuggling her for a few minutes as her blue eyes fluttered opened and closed as she was drawn towards sleep.

"She fights it so hard," Willow observed in a low voice.

Smiling indulgently, Tara affirmed, "She just doesn't want to miss a thing."

However, Olivia quickly lost her battle and once her eyes stayed closed, Tara carefully laid her down on the blanket.

"She's so beautiful," Willow murmured as she watched the sleeping baby.

"I can see where she gets it from," Tara responded, staring openly at the gorgeous woman sitting next to her.

Their eyes met, Willow's filled with a curious mix of uncertainty and passion. They had both consciously avoided moments like this since the almost kiss nearly two weeks before, though they had been together most days.

Willow blinked slowly and her lips parted slightly, making Tara unconsciously lick her own before leaning in and brushing their lips together gently.

The kiss remained soft for only moments before they both were clinging to each other, their mouths falling open and tongues reaching out as they tried to get as close together as possible. Tara remained conscious of where Olivia was sleeping, and made sure she shifted them away from her as they fell backwards, never breaking the kiss, and settled with Willow's slight weight on top, her legs spread on either side of Tara's.

They were lucky to be the only people in the park that day, for surely others would have stopped to stare at the two women in a passionate embrace next to where their baby slept peacefully. The kisses continued, the passionate desperation giving way to tenderness, as Tara pushed Willow's hair back from her face and dropped kisses all over her face. But then their lips found each other once again and refused to end the contact. The only constraints existing were Olivia and perhaps the public location, though Tara doubted that that alone could have proved deterrent enough.

When Willowhand started to roam across her body in ways that Tara couldn't resist for long, she gently broke the kiss, whispering, "We can't here, Willow." Though she didn't voice it, Tara also knew that location was not the only thing that would make her stop this. It was too soon. Too risky. They both needed more time to get used to each other again, and now that Olivia was in the equation as well, Tara was not going to do anything to jeopardize their renewed relationship.

"I know." Willow dropped a quick kiss to her lips and then started to move away. Tara held her tight as they sat up, capturing her lips again in an effort to communicate everything that was in her heart. Her joy that they had had this connection, that she shared the unwillingness to restrain themselves, how deeply she needed it to happen again and often.

The smile that spread across Willow's face and the way she cuddled in against Tara's side was enough to demonstrate that the message had been conveyed.

Tara squeezed the redhead close before checking her watch with a sigh, "I should get going. I have class this evening."

"Oh," the surprise was evident in Willow's voice. "But Olivia is sleeping. Won't that make her wake up? And do you bring her to class with you? Because she's just a baby and she could cry or something."

"Well…" Tara started with Willow's first point as she adjusted the seat of the stroller so it was laying flat. "Olivia takes after someone I know and waking her is near impossible once she's out," Tara teased.

Willow giggled, and Tara had to turn to see that beautiful smile even as she gathered Olivia into her arms and moved her into the stroller. "Does she talk in her sleep too?" Willow asked.

"Not yet, but, um, sometimes she makes yummy eating noises," Tara explained, making Willow laugh harder when she tried to demonstrate. "And, no, I don't bring her to class. Dawn loves babysitting." Tara tried to read the expression on Willow's face and kept talking on a hunch. "But on Wednesday I, um, have a meeting in the afternoon. Would you maybe want to take Olivia? You could pick her up in the morning and make a day of it?"

Those beautiful green eyes went wide at the suggestion. "You mean like me taking care of her all by myself?"

Tara quirked her lips and kicked off the brakes on the stroller to start walking home. "Yeah, all by yourself. I think it would be good for you both."

Tara wondered if Willow's eyes could possibly get any wider. "Well, maybe. You really think I'd be ok?" The vulnerability in her voice broke Tara's heart and she knew she was doing the right thing. Willow needed to have time with Olivia. Now that she was doing better with the magic she needed to find a place in her daughter's life.

"Yes, Willow." Tara tried to communicate all her trust and love in the answer.

"Ok, I guess I could do that. Wednesday, yeah, I'm free then." Willow nodded adorably.

"Great!" Tara grinned. "You two can have a date."


	11. Chapter 11

Later that evening, Tara gathered up her books for class and slipped her arms into her coat. Before heading out the door, she peaked into the living room where Dawn was trying to show Olivia how to stack her blocks into a tower instead of just throwing them around the room.

"I'm about to leave, Dawnie. Are you all set?" It was sometimes amazing to Tara that the little girl she and the others had so carefully watched over was now old enough to be trusted alone with a baby. Of course, Tara knew that Buffy never patrolled far from the house when Dawn and Olivia were there, and Dawn had been drilled endlessly on the situations in which she needed to use her new cell phone to immediately call her older sister. One could never be too careful on the Hellmouth.

Dawn turned around, her braid flipping over her shoulder. "Oh yeah, we're good."

Tara knew Dawn no longer need instructions about how to care for Olivia, but she couldn't help but say, "She took a long nap today, so don't worry if she's up past nine." Walking into the room fully she dropped a kiss first onto Dawn's head and then Olivia's. "Love you girls."

Olivia grinned up at Tara. "Ma-ma."

"Yeah, Olivia! That's your Mama!" Dawn exclaimed.

Tara frowned, although she couldn't stop the rush of feeling to her heart at hearing that word directed at her. "I wish you wouldn't encourage that, Dawnie."

Dawn rolled her eyes, but Tara let it go, knowing that she did not have time to have that particular argument and still make it to class on time.

"Dawn, I'll see you when I get home. And you, little girl," Tara paused to tickle Olivia's belly. "I hope I don't see you until morning! You need to go to sleep for Dawn."

"Kay," Dawn replied. "Oh, and Wednesday, I can stop by after school and get her from the Magic Box so Anya isn't distracted during 'prime business hours.'" Dawn used air quotes to emphasize her sarcasm.

"Oh!" Tara had forgotten she had asked Dawn to do that. "Actually, sweetie, Willow is going to take her that day, so you're off the hook."

"What? Are you kidding me?" Dawn's voice was approaching a shriek. "Were you not here for her 'visits'? She has no idea how to take care of her!"

Tara shut her eyes against a painful flash of Willow sitting on the couch, uncomfortably holding her daughter. She knew that Dawn was right regarding the past, but had she not seen the progress Willow had made. The woman who had patiently played with Olivia in the park only hours before was more than capable to care for the baby. And had every right. There was something so wrong about not trusting Willow enough to care for her own daughter.

"Dawn, she'll be fine." Tara tried her best to sound reassuring. "We can talk more about this later, but I really have to get to class."

"Whatever." Dawn sighed dramatically. "But I'll keep my schedule free for when she bails."

* * *

><p>Willow knocked on the door of the Summer's house Wednesday morning, flashing back to the first time she had visited Olivia there. She remembered that day vividly.<p>

_Buffy cautiously opened the door and gave Willow a suspicious look. "What are you doing here?"_

"_Tara invited me," she replied simply, in her best don't mess with me voice._

_But instead of inviting her in, Buffy stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind her. "Don't you even think of trying anything in this house, okay? If I see any indication that you are hurting either of them, I will throw you out on your ass and never let you near them again."_

_Willow had to suppress a smirk. If only Buffy understood dark magicks and the extent of their power. Even Slayer strength would have no hope against the forces Willow could tap. Regardless, she gave Buffy a serious nod. She had not come here for a fight._

_Still cautious, Buffy let Willow into the house and led her into the living room. The sight gave her pause and emotions that she had not felt in a long time began to overtake her lust for power. Tara and Olivia were both lying on their stomachs, completely focused on each other, the love and connection between the two immediately obvious. And Willow couldn't believe the change in both of them. The squalling, red-faced newborn was now supporting her head and neck as she curiously regarded the stuffed dog in Tara's hands with bright, inquisitive eyes. Tara's interactions with the infant seemed so comfortable that Willow couldn't believe that two months ago the woman had been panicking about her lack of knowledge about babies._

_Buffy didn't let Willow lurk long, and quickly pushed past her into the room, making Tara look up._

"_Willow!" Tara exclaimed. "You came!" She pushed herself off the carpet with two hands, rocking onto her knees before picking Olivia up off the floor as well. _

"_Uh, yeah," Willow responded, any confidence that she might have felt on the porch with Buffy disappearing in the presence of the woman whom she would always love. "But just for a few minutes." She didn't think she could handle more than that. _

_Tara's face was so open and hopeful. "I'm just happy you're here." _

_Willow could see the sincerity and it only served to further confirm that she could never be good enough for Tara. No matter how much power she had, Tara would always be disappointed by her. _

_Startled, Willow suddenly realized that Tara was standing right next to her showing off the baby in her arms. _

"…_getting so big!" Tara was saying. "And so smart!"_

_Not knowing what to say, Willow tried to smile as she regarded her daughter. There was no denying the child was gorgeous, with those big blue eyes and the promise of curl in her growing hair._

"_Do you want to hold her?" Tara asked._

_Willow shrugged, slightly taken aback by the fact that she was being intensely focused on by those two matching sets of eyes. The fact that others didn't see it baffled Willow. To her, Tara's features were unmistakable on that tiny face. _

"_Willow, you should hold her," Tara encouraged gently._

_With a sigh, Willow sat down on the couch and held out her arms. Though she could see Olivia's growth it was something else to actually feel the new weight and the increased control the baby had gained over her body. It was overwhelming and all too much for Willow as she felt the pressure to release her confusion and distress into some sort of spell. Something big. She definitely needed to play with something big. _

_Passing the baby back to Tara, she mumbled some sort of excuse and nearly ran out the door. _

But that was months ago, and Willow hardly recognized that girl who had been so distant from the two people she loved more than anything. How could she have been so stupid, to cut both of them out of her life? She would not make that mistake again.

The door was opened to reveal Tara's grinning face and a warm greeting before Willow found herself ushered into the kitchen where a packed diaper bag lay on the counter and Olivia sat in a high chair snacking on cheerios.

"This should have everything you need," Tara told her. "See - diapers, wipes, sunscreen, extra outfit, blanket, snacks, toys. And here." Tara pulled over an insulated lunch bag. "I made up two bottles for her. We just finished nursing, so just one at lunch and then the other when she wakes up from her nap. But, um, she doesn't really like bottles, so you may have to be patient with it. She usually takes it once she realizes there is no other option."

Willow had to bite back a knowing smile. She wouldn't take a bottle either knowing the alternative. Olivia sure was a smart one.

Tara continued, "And you've seen her eat solids. Just make sure it's nothing too hard and cut it up pretty small. And no peanut butter, fish…"

"…honey, tree nuts, cow's milk, or popcorn," Willow cut in. "I, ah, did some research." She felt her face flush at Tara's approving smile.

"Of course you did," Tara teased kindly. "I know you'll do great, Will. She usually eats around noon and then takes a bottle and naps right after for about 2 hours. I'll be done no later than five, so she should be alright waiting to eat, but if she's fussy just give her a snack."

Willow was still processing everything even as she watched Tara lift Olivia out of the high chair and pepper kisses all over her face.

"Do have any questions, sweetie?" Tara asked Willow. "You have my number, so you can always call."

"Nope, I think I'm good." Willow put on her bravest face.

"Great!" Tara turned her attention to Olivia. "I love you, little girl. I'm going to miss you today."

Olivia stuck her fingers in Tara's mouth and then fell into a fit of giggles when Tara pretended to nibble on them.

Still smiling, Tara told the baby, "Alright, Olivia, you be good. And have fun!"

The instructions were more or less ignored as Olivia was focused on trying to put her fingers back into Tara's mouth. When Tara failed to repeat the little game, Olivia loudly cried, "Mama!" in a manner that left no doubt that the word use was deliberate.

The room was suddenly filled with only the hum of the refrigerator as both Willow and Tara feel silent, awkwardly avoiding eye contact.

After a long moment, Tara spoke in an overly peppy tone. "Ta-ra, Ta-ra," she enunciated to Olivia. "I'm Tara. This is your mama." Tara gestured towards Willow.

The guilt was overwhelming, and before she could stop herself, Willow found that she was saying, "Tara, there's something I have to tell you."


	12. Chapter 12

__**AN: So here's the continuation of the cliffhanger. It is pretty short, but I thought a short update now would be better than waiting for something longer. The next one will definitely not be up quite this fast, but I'll try my best to be prompt so we can see how Tara's feeling about everything.  
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**Please enjoy and review!  
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_The guilt was overwhelming, and before she could stop herself, Willow found that she was saying, "Tara, there's something I have to tell you."_

It seemed to Willow that Tara had missed the seriousness in her tone. Tara had graced her with an open expression clearly intended to encourage Willow to continue talking, but then had been distracted by Olivia squirming to get down from her arms.

"What is it, Willow?" Tara asked.

The question made Willow realize how long she had been silent, and she scrambled to regroup her thoughts, her immediate resolve diminished by the delay.

"It's just that…well…" Willow continued to hesitate as once again she realized she had lost Tara's attention as the blonde bent over to rescue a piece of cereal that Olivia had found while crawling around on the floor before it made it to the baby's mouth.

"Tara! This is important!" Willow found herself saying, though immediately she wished she could reach out with both hands to shove the words back into her mouth. Why did she have to keep pursuing this? With Tara's distraction she easily could have gotten away with a 'nevermind' or a question about Olivia. _Because she deserves to know._

It was too late to turn back anyway because her exclamation had certainly earned her Tara's undivided attention.

"What's wrong?" Tara asked gently after Willow remained silent for several long moments once again. Willow's breathe caught as Tara stepped into her personal space and touched her cheek with a gentle hand. "Sweetie, you're making me nervous."

"Ok, alright, I'm just going to say this." Willow leaned into Tara's warm hand for a fraction of a second, before taking half a step back, knowing she couldn't go through with this with Tara quite so close. "It's just that earlier, when you told Olivia to call you Tara, that's not exactly correct. Well, I mean, it is correct in the literal sense because you are in fact Tara…" Willow silently cursed her tendency to babble along and suddenly just spit it out, "Tara, you're her mother."

The soft expression on Tara's face was not at all what Willow had expected, but she realized that her point had been missed once again as soon as Tara started speaking. "That's really sweet, Will. And I do love her like my own daughter. I always will. But you're the one she should be calling Mama."

"You don't understand." Willow felt her frustration rising. This conversation had not been going the way she intended from the very beginning. "You are actually her mother."

"Sweetie, I'm always going to be there for her…."

"No!" Willow cut her off. "I mean, biologically, you are her mother. She's yours."

Tara's eyes finally filled with the confusion that Willow had initially been expecting. "I don't see how that's p-possible. You gave birth to her. And she-she looks, um, just like y…" Tara's voice trailed off and she focused on Olivia as if seeing her for the first time. Willow followed her gaze over the baby's eyes, cheekbones, hands. Those features which she had undoubtedly inherited directly from Tara.

Willow watched them both for a moment before speaking in a more subdued tone. "She's your daughter. Well, ours, really."

Willow was forced to take another step back as Tara rounded on her, her blue eyes flashing dangerously with anger. "What. Did. You. Do?"

"Ah, um, a spell?" Willow shifted her weight nervously, having never seen Tara quite so angry.

"I'm aware," Tara informed her testily. "I just want to know which conception spell you manipulated to use without my _consent_." Tara practically spit out the last word and Willow was assaulted with unpleasant memories of the other spells she had performed on Tara.

"This wasn't my intention. I didn't know this…" she gestured helplessly at Olivia. "…would happen."

Her defense seemed to fall on deaf eyes. "I want to know exactly what you did."

Willow closed her eyes. "It wasn't a conception spell. I was trying to get you back."

Tara said nothing, but her stony gaze caused Willow to gulp and continue talking. "It was a spell to make you want to be with me, but I changed a few elements and I guess it threw it all off."

"You didn't get it at all, did you?" Tara's voice was filled with disbelief. "Sometimes for someone so smart…"

The sentence didn't need to be repeated for Willow to understand.

"Tara…"

Her desperate plea was stopped short as Olivia once again claimed Tara's attention, pulling on her legs and stretching her arms out to be picked up. To Willow it looked like she was slightly distressed from the tension in the room. Tara's expression immediately softened as she lifted the baby and murmured assurances in a low, soothing voice.

"Can we just talk about this?" Willow felt her voice crack in the middle of the sentence and it had reached an unrecognizable pitch by the end.

"Do you not see how this is upsetting her?" Tara practically hissed. "You need to leave. Now. And then I need you to show me _exactly_ what spell you performed."

Willow felt herself start to panic and she opened her mouth to inform Tara that she had researched the spell extensively upon finding out she was pregnant and that, despite the unexpected result, it wouldn't harm any of them. Before she could speak, though, she noticed the way Tara was shaking her head and knew it would be useless. Hanging her head, she started to back out of the kitchen when her eyes fell on the diaper bag. Olivia. Their day together. Why she was here in the first place.

However, Tara had noticed what she was looking at, and spoke before Willow could. "No, you are not taking her today."

The simple sentence, spoken in such a level tone drove a stab of pain through Willow's chest. It seemed whatever trust Tara had had in her was now gone, all due to a horrible mistake she had made so long ago.

"I need to be with her right now," Tara was explaining. "And I'm going to need some space from you."

Willow nodded, trying not to cry. It wasn't that she was surprised, the opposite in fact. This conversation had gone the way in which she had expected. But the timing couldn't have been worse.

"Maybe another time then." A couple tears leaked out as she found herself wondering if there would ever be another time. It wouldn't shock her if Tara decided to take Olivia as far away as possible now that she knew the truth. "I'll, um, drop off the spell tonight."

A tight nod was the only response she got.

"Ok, well, I'll just go then." She had almost reached the front door when she turned around. "Can I say goodbye to Olivia?" The tears were running freely down her face now.

"Willow…" Tara's expression shifted slightly into something that Willow couldn't quite read as Olivia was immediately passed into her arms. "I'm not going to keep her from you. You're her mother. B-but today, I, um, just c-can't."

Willow immediately felt some measure of relief and she kissed Olivia on the cheek before handing her back to Tara. "I get it. I'll go."

This time she actually left, and as soon as the door slammed behind her, she broke into a run toward her parent's house. It was all too much. She had broken Tara's heart, again. Betrayed their daughter. Ruined the beginning of a relationship with the woman she loved. She was worthless and not to be trusted. For the first time in a week, she began to seriously consider what it would take to break Tara's binding spell.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Sorry it's been so long. I was trying to have a really long chapter written, but when I realized how long it's been since I updated I decided to split it up. Hopefully the second part will be soon to follow but I've been busy moving and have had less time to write. Enjoy. Please review.**

Tara was still reeling as she carried Olivia back into the house. All she could think about was Willow's tears, which was remarkable all things considered. But seeing that beautiful face so broken and vulnerable was enough make Tara feel flooded with guilt, despite the fact that she had done nothing wrong. _She thought I was going to keep her from her daughter. _Our _daughter._

It was too much for Tara to think about in that moment and she forced the thoughts away as she mindlessly went through her morning routine. Settling Olivia in the living room with her toys, Tara called Anya to see if she could still babysit and then gathered her notebooks to go over some things for her meeting. Her heart was not into the prep work, but she had to force herself to focus. It was a meeting with her research advisor for the job she would be starting in a couple weeks once she graduated. It was by no means high paying, but she would be able to work from home and make enough to help out more with the household expenses and maybe even have extra money to add to Dawn's college fund and start one for Olivia.

Still in a daze, Tara went through the motions of lunch for herself and Olivia and then tucked the sleeping baby into her stroller. At the Magic Box Tara found herself almost unable to leave Olivia napping in her Pack and Play, an irrational fear taking hold that the baby would only be safe in her care. Brushing it aside, she left for her meeting before she would be late, numbly answering the professor's questions and hoping that she was making sense.

She nearly ran the distance from UC Sunnydale to the Magic Box, only to find that Dawn and Buffy had been by just minutes before to pick up Olivia. When she arrived home she was slightly winded from the light jog she had maintained on the way home. A glance into the kitchen revealed Dawn sitting at the counter working on homework. The girl graced her with a smile, but Tara saw right through it to the "I told you so" expression that was rather obvious. Choosing to ignore that particular conversation for the time being, Tara gave Dawn a wave and set down her bag.

In the living room she found Buffy with Olivia, apparently teaching her how to…stake her baby doll?

"See, Olivia," Buffy was explaining. "This is where the heart is. You take the wooden thing in your hand and stab as hard as you can." Buffy demonstrated the gesture and Olivia giggled.

"Uh, hi, Buffy."

"Tara! You're back! Um, we were just playing with this doll. Harmless, harmless playing fully suitable for an infant."

Tara laughed inwardly at the panicked look on Buffy's face. "Buffy, it's fine. Unfortunately a valuable skill in this town."

Olivia grinned up at Tara and waved her arms, hitting the doll with her little stake.

"Good job!" Buffy exclaimed. "But next time, you have to use the pointy end. See? This part's sharp." She turned the stake around in Olivia's hand and guided her through the correct action.

Tara joined them on the floor and stroked her daughter's silky hair. Her daughter. It sounded so strange, but at the same time, so perfectly natural.

"Where'd she get the stake?" Tara asked.

"Oh, Xander made it for her. It's small enough that she can hold, but still big enough so it's not a choking hazard. And see, it's all polished and smooth like her blocks so no slivers!" Buffy looked quite proud of herself.

"It's great." Tara smiled. "She'll be the only one year old who knows proper vamp staking technique."

Buffy flopped down onto her back and grabbed Olivia to lift her into the air above her head. "I can't believe she's going to be that old. We're going to have to have a big party for her."

Tara shook her head. "Given how that usually goes for us I was thinking just us and Xander and Anya. Mr. Giles too if he's still around."

"And Willow?" Buffy asked, lowering Olivia to her stomach.

Tara was silent.

The baby squawked a protest at the loss of her ride and Buffy lifted her back into the air. "Geez, no need for a bench press with this kid around."

Happy for the lightened mood, Tara giggled halfheartedly, before saying, "And probably Willow."

Buffy turned her head sideways, a curious expression on her face. "I thought things were good. Wills's off the mojo, taking an interest in Olivia, and Dawn swears she saw you two making with the smoochies."

Tara blushed lightly. In addition to that day in the park, where there had been many, many smoochies, they had shared a couple light kisses and it was entirely possible that Dawn had indeed seen them.

"Ha! There have been smoochies!" Buffy sat up and set Olivia back down by her doll. "Do tell."

Tara lifted Olivia onto her lap and gave her a squeeze. "Just a couple, but I really don't want to talk about it. But, um, do you think we could have a Scooby meeting tomorrow? There're a couple of things we should talk about before Mr. Giles leaves."

Buffy's face immediately shifted into serious mode. "What did she do? Do I need to go after her? Are you and Olivia in danger?"

"No, nothing like that," Tara assured her. "She's still bound, I would know if she wasn't. Don't worry, please. I'll tell all of you tomorrow."

Buffy's face was still concerned and she looked like she was about to ask another question, but was interrupted by Dawn coming into the living room.

"Not to be a complete rude-o, but I'm totally starving. Tara, do you think you could…"

Taking the hint, Tara kissed Olivia before settling her down on the floor and standing up. "I'm on it, Dawnie. Chicken ok?"

"Oh definitely. Anything you make is always great!"

The evening breezed by in the comfort of routine as Tara prepared and served dinner. The only hiccup was the arrival of Willow while they were eating to drop off the spell. However, Tara had answered the door alone and taken the papers without a word. In less than a minute she was back at the table to find Olivia entertaining Dawn and Buffy by mashing peas onto her head.

"Oh yes, that's hysterical," Tara commented dryly. "Especially funny when you're not the one who has to wash her hair."

The Summer's sisters quickly took on matching guilty looks.

"Sorry, Tara," Dawn responded.

"I'll give her a bath tonight," Buffy volunteered.

"Or I can," Dawn jumped in.

Tara shook her head and forced a slight smile. She was far too stressed from everything that was going on. Normally she would have laughed along with the other two at the pea-covered baby and probably even snapped a picture.

"No. You patrol. And you homework," she instructed. "Me baby."

"But us dishes," Buffy insisted. "Tara, you do too much work around her. Just take care of Olivia and relax a bit once she's asleep."

The offer came as a bit of a shock. Tara always took care of most household chores without comment or complaint. She figured it was the least that she could do for living in their home rent free, and Buffy seemed thrilled not to have to worry about such things. That said, Tara was not going to refuse an offer like that and she scooped up the sticky baby to carry her to the bathroom.

The warm bath made Olivia sleepy and lethargic and it was a challenge to keep her awake long enough to nurse. She didn't get as much milk as usual and Tara knew that would mean an early morning for them both.

Cuddling Olivia close in her arms, Tara stretched across the bed she had once shared with Willow to study the baby's face. When those blue eyes were hidden, Tara could only see the beauty of Willow in her features. The child was so obviously Willow's that Tara understood how she had missed the resemblance to herself. Perhaps it had been a defense mechanism to see the baby as a mini-Willow and avoid the implications that someone else's genes had played a role.

But now that she knew Olivia was hers Tara looked past the features that were so blatantly from the redhead to see that the baby had Maclay in her also. Tara could see the resemblance to herself and Donnie as children. It made her heart ache that her mother would never meet her first grandchild; to see the beauty that Tara and Willow had created. Although Tara was still angry about what Willow had done, she could never see Olivia as anything less than a miracle. Having a child with Willow had been a dream of Tara's since even before their first kiss and the reality was more amazing than she could have imagined, even with the less than desirable circumstances.

Although it was still early, Tara felt exhausted. She reached over the side of the bed and pulled a pillow up from the floor to place on the far side of the bed and lay Olivia down beside her. Wrapping her fingers around a tiny hand Tara watched her daughter sleep for several minutes before drifting off herself.


	14. Chapter 14

"So what Scooby-age brings us here today?" Xander asked Buffy as he tucked into the large sandwich sitting in front him.

"You'll have to ask Tara," Buffy responded. "She called this meeting."

Tara flushed as she became the focus of attention. This was a change in the group dynamics and surprise was evident in the way Xander's full mouth hung slightly opened, Mr. Giles peered at her over his glasses, and Anya even left the cash register to join the rest of them at the table.

"Y-yes. There is just something that I wanted to…"

Tara was interrupted by the cheerful jingle of the door alerting them to potential buyers. Anya took one look at the two young women who entered the store before sweeping Olivia off of Tara's lap and into her arms. Olivia looked back at Tara with a shocked face as she was carried away from the fruit she had been eating.

"Hello, welcome to the Magic Box!" Anya's enthusiastic voice carried back to where they sat.

Tara watched with some amusement as the customers fused over Olivia's red curls, and Anya simultaneously showed off the baby and negotiated a rather large sale.

"Thank you for your purchase, we hope that you will return to our establishment!" Anya said as she handed a bag over the desk. "Wave bye-bye, Olivia." Anya moved Olivia's arm up and down.

"Oh, she is just the cutest!" one of the girls exclaimed.

"Thank you. Enjoy your day," Anya called out as they left the store.

"A good day for capitalism," Anya announced as she came back to the research table and handed Olivia back to Tara.

"You use Olivia to sell things?" Buffy asked in disbelief.

"Oh yes, all the time," Anya responded as if the answer should have been obvious. "For some customers seeing me in a nurturing, maternal role makes them more inclined to purchase. Plus, as an infant she has those large eyes and delicate features that humans are programmed to find endearing."

Xander shook his head. "An, honey, we talked about this. Humans are not 'programmed.'"

"And if you take her away from her lunch again she may do that less endearing thing where she screams and cries," Tara pointed out, noting the way that Olivia was shoving fruit into her mouth as she eyed Anya warily.

Xander burst out laughing, pointing at Olivia. "Look at her. That is such a Willow-face."

Even Giles chuckled. "It does seem she has inherited Willow's rather impressive range of facial expressions."

Tara jumped on that lead and tried to bring the group back to her intended discussion. "That's what I want to talk to all of you about."

"Facial expressions?" Buffy asked dumbly.

"Uh, no," Tara said as politely as she could. "Olivia's, um, other p-p-parent."

"You found out who the father is?" Anya asked, leaning forward in her seat.

"No…not exactly." Tara curled her arms around Olivia a little tighter for comfort. "She doesn't have a f-father. You see, Willow did a spell…"

"What else is new?" Buffy quipped.

Ignoring the comment, Tara continued. "…and I'm, um, her m-mother."

"What?" Xander nearly choked on his sandwich. Fortunately for him and unfortunately for the rest of him he managed to avoid obstructing his airway through a hacking cough that left the table in front of him sprayed with bits of bread and ham.

Anya patted his back sympathetically. "He doesn't handle shock well."

"Ah, what do you mean, Tara? Haven't we established she is definitely Willow's kid? I mean, the hair, the stubborn, the pout," Buffy questioned.

"Yes, she's Willow's," Tara assured her. "But she's mine too."

"But how? You and her, and you and Willow and… And how again? Both with the girl parts and boobs, and did I mention the girl parts?" Xander sputtered. "Because I actually paid attention in Biology that day. Eggs need sperm to make baby. Not other eggs! The sperm and the egg and the sperm…" He trailed off with a few more helpless gestures.

Tara was thankful when Mr. Giles stepped in. She had been uncertain how to respond to that particular tirade and was more than a little uncomfortable that Xander had been shouting about her 'girl parts.'

"That is typically how it works, Mr. Harris," Giles explained calmly. "But if you haven't noticed, we live on a particular convergence of mystic energy where phenomena such as two women conceiving are hardly apart from the ordinary."

"Just as ordinary as vampires and demons," Buffy chirped.

"I'm not surprised," Anya weighed in. "With all the orgasms you two had the sexual energy had to go somewhere."

Tara felt her face go beat red. "T-that's n-n-not how it h-h-happened." The nerves and embarrassment made her stutter so badly she could barely get the sentence out.

"Do you know what spell she did, Tara dear?" Mr. Giles asked kindly. "I understand that Olivia was conceived after the two of you ended your relationship."

"Yeah, we all thought that magick dealer knocked her up," Anya added.

Tara shook her head furiously. "No, it wasn't like that. She did a spell." Her voice was surprisingly steady. Wrapping one arm around the baby in her lap who was still eating her lunch contentedly and obviously to the fact that she was the focus of the conversation, Tara leaned down and pulled the papers that Willow had given her out of her bag. She handed them to Giles. "That's the spell."

Giles flipped through the pages and clucked his tongue as he read. "Well, this is rather possessive, isn't it?"

Tara nodded. "She was trying to use it to get me back."

"Hmm, it's apparent how this resulted in a child. This line here roughly translates to 'make her a part of me, to have and hold.' Plus this 'a tie to connect us as long as we live.'" Giles made a tssking noise. "Her translations are sloppy and it's obvious she didn't think the spell through. Did she write it herself?"

Tara nodded again. "She referenced some existing spells though. That's all listed on the last page."

"Nothing with which I am immediately familiar." Giles flipped back to the part that Willow had written and started to read it again.

Tara could no longer sit quietly watching Giles read. She had been worrying about this now for almost 24 hours and it was time for some answers. "Please, Mr. Giles! Do you think the spell hurt Olivia? She seems fine, but this is dark magic and I don't know how that could affect her!"

Giles looked at Tara and Olivia with kind and affectionate eyes. "We're going to have to do some research, but I think we will find that the manner of conception will not impact Olivia's well-being. She accomplishes what Willow desired, though perhaps not expected."

"So research!" Xander grabbed a book off the table at random and opened it up, looking at Tara and Giles expectantly. "What are we looking for?"

"We'll need the magic books, Xander. Not every old text contains all the answers; I'd think you'd know that by now," Giles chided.

"I can't believe we never figured out Olivia was yours, Tara," Buffy said, studying them closely. "It's kinda obvious now that you point it out. Dawn's gonna flip."

"Yeah," Xander jumped in. "She looks more like you than Wills if you take away the hair."

Tara leaned down to kiss the top of Olivia's head. "I like her hair."

"Of course you do," Anya sighed, as if that point should be exceedingly obvious to everyone in the room. "You already demonstrated that you find redheads attractive."

Tara resisted rolling her eyes. Redhead. She found one redhead attractive. Two if you counted Olivia.

Giles cut off that particular conversation before Tara could respond. "Has anyone seen Olivia demonstrate any magickal ability?"

"Giles, she's just a baby!" Buffy exclaimed. "She's not going to go all black magick anytime soon. We've talked about this." She gestured to herself, Xander, and Anya.

Tara's frown deepened as she realized what Giles was getting at. "No, she hasn't yet."

Giles removed his glasses and starting cleaning at them. "She almost certainly will, and with Willow's power it could be much younger than one would expect."

"Um, didn't we already know this?" Xander asked. "Mega-witch's kid; pretty much a given, no?"

"Uh, no, it's not," Tara answered. "Willow's a rare case where magick ability pops up in a line that has had little to none previously. The chances that she alone would pass it on are slim."

"How far back does your family trace the magicks?" Giles questioned.

"The female line goes back to at least the 1500s at a coven in Ireland," Tara responded, holding Olivia a little closer. Giles had brought up a point that hadn't occurred to her previously and now her stomach felt unsettled and queasy. "But we think it goes back farther."

"Oh dear," Giles responded.

"Um, what's going on?" Buffy cut in. "Why are we all doom and gloom?"

Tara took a breath before explaining. "Every female on my mother's side has had some amount of magickal ability for more than 500 years. Since Olivia's my daughter that now applies to her and with Willow…"

"Tara is what we call a generational-witch. She comes from a family where the magick is always passed on," Giles clarified. "That innate ability has now been combined with the raw power that Willow possesses."

"So baby mega-witch?" Xander quipped.

"She had better not blow up my shop!"

"When will she start doing spells?" Buffy asked.

Gathering Olivia against herself protectively, Tara stood up. "Stop! She is still just a baby. There's nothing wrong with her and I will not have you all treating her any different. I was five before I could do any spells. I'm going to teach her like my Mama taught me and she'll know to respect the magicks!"

Giles laid a gentle hand on Tara's arm. "My dear, calm down. You know that everyone here cares for Olivia deeply. With your love and guidance I'm sure that she will never go down a dark path like Willow did. How old were you when your mother started teaching you?"

Still trembling, Tara sat back down. She distracted herself by opening some yogurt and beginning to spoon-feed Olivia before answering Giles' question. "As long as I can remember. I think we started meditating together when I was about three."

"You were meditating at three?" Xander asked, incredulous. "I was still running around with my pants pulled down. No wonder you're so calm."

Tara smiled kindly. "I'm sure I ran around like that too." But Tara still remembered meditating with her mother, even as a small child. Sitting quietly together under the big oak in their backyard was one of her earliest memories, and it had never seemed hard to be calm during those special moments. Her heart fluttered as she thought about sharing those experiences with Olivia.

"You shared your penis with Willow and other small children?" Anya asked. "Why has Willow never told me that she's seen your penis?"

"Um, probably because it was like this big," Xander held his fingers just inches apart. "And she was three too."

"You know they took baths together, right Anya?" Buffy taunted.

"What?" Anya shrieked.

"Enough!" Giles said loudly. "You are acting like children."

The only actual child in the room finished her yogurt and started sleepily fussing against Tara's chest. Tara cuddled her close and felt her diaper. "Should we get you a clean diaper, some milk, and a nap?" she murmured gently, rubbing the baby's back and standing up. "We're going to duck into the training room for a bit."

"Just one thing before you go," Giles interrupted. "Not to cause you any alarm, but we must find out from Willow who else may know about Olivia's parentage. With Willow's reputation their may be some people with an interest in her child."

Tara's gripped unconsciously tightened around Olivia. "Mr. Giles, you don't think anyone would try to take her?"

"They'll die before they even try," Buffy assured her.

Tara nodded, knowing that the slayer's house was probably the safest spot in Sunnydale.

"Tara, don't panic. While this may be new information for us, Willow has known for quite some time. Presumably, anyone she would have told has known for a while as well and there have been no threats yet."

"And the magick earthquake explosion thing killed all of Willow's evil friends," Anya added cheerfully.

Olivia's cries cut into the discussion. "You're ok, sweetheart," Tara soothed as she walked back into the training room. "Mama's going to take care of you."


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: So this is really short and I apologize for that. It seems that I am not going to have as much time to write for the next few months, so the updates may become shorter. However, I will still do my best to get this story done, it just may take a while. Thank you so much for your patience and to everyone who has reviewed. I appreciate it!**

**Also, while waiting for this story, check out my W/T oneshots, Wait for the Dawn and A Night at the Bronze.  
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As the words started to blur in front of her eyes, Willow put her cheek down on the book that was open in front of her. Since Tara's panic about the spell, Willow had spent the last two days once again been reading up on the potential consequences of her past actions. The research had worked to channel her anxiety, which had further increased upon probing Tara's binding spell to realize that it was even stronger than before. Willow didn't think she had any chance of breaking it now; Tara was stronger than everyone realized, especially when protecting her child.

She had just about dosed off when she heard a knock at the door that jerked her up from her desk. For a moment she panicked that her parents had returned from abroad before realizing the foolishness of that thought. They would not knock on the door of their own house which they presumed to be empty. However, it furthered reinforced for Willow her need to get her own place. The trust fund that her parents had set up for her had plenty of money for rent somewhere, even with amount that Willow had taken out to provide for Olivia.

Willow shook herself out of her thought and made her way to the stairs as there was another, more vigorous knock. She started to yank open the door in annoyance, before remembering where she was and peering out the curtains next to the door to see Buffy standing on the step.

_What is Buffy doing here? Coming to yell at me for hurting Tara? Like I'm not guilty enough as it is._

To her surprise, when she opened the door she found that Buffy was accompanied by Olivia who was sleeping in her stroller.

"Hey, Buffy," Willow greeted her hesitantly, still suspicious about the nature of this visit.

"Willow," Buffy responded rather coolly.

"Um, do you want to come in?"

Buffy shook her head. "I'm just here to drop off your kid, if you want her."

Willow was completely confused, not to mention rather insulted. "Of course I want her, but what's going on? Where's Tara? Oh my god, did something happen to her?"

"Yeah, something happened. She found out yesterday that she has had a baby for almost a _year_," Buffy hissed.

Willow shifted on her feet, not sure what to say. Buffy had said she was dropping off Olivia, but so far it seemed like just an excuse to yell. "I know, I should have told her sooner."

"You think?" Buffy said sarcastically. "I can't even imagine how she's feeling right now. I'm freaking and it doesn't even involve me. Anyways, it's beyond me why, but she wanted me to bring Olivia here for the afternoon."

"Really?" Willow squeaked. Tara wanted her to take care of Olivia? After everything that had happened, Willow hadn't expected Tara to trust her with the baby for years.

"I guess," Buffy responded. "And if anything happens to her…" The unfinished threat hung in the air, but Willow understood the implication perfectly.

"Buffy, I love Olivia. I would never hurt her."

"Well you said you loved Tara, but you managed to rip her heart out a couple of times."

That stung and Willow had to blink back tears. "I do love her," she whispered, but it came out so quiet that she was sure Buffy would not have been able to understand if not for her Slayer senses.

Buffy rolled her eyes, but didn't berate Willow further. "So, Tara says she'll be here by five so you only have to manage a couple hours. There's a bottle in this bag for when she wakes up."

Willow wordless accepted the diaper bag and set it just inside the house.

"I'm going to take this home," Buffy said.

"What, Olivia? I thought I was taking care of her."

"Um, no the stroller, Tara likes to carry her when she's awake. You're supposed to take her out now."

"Oh, right," Willow responded before feeling a wave of nervousness. Buffy obviously didn't trust her to do this, and that was making her even more hesitant than she would have been otherwise. _But Tara trusts me. Despite everything, she trusts me with our daughter._ That thought reassured her enough to lean down to unbuckle the baby.

It was a trick to lift her out, and Willow wondered how Tara possibly managed to do it so gracefully. Willow did not manage the effortless transition that she had seen Tara perform and instead succeeded in waking Olivia who responded with a wail.

Willow looked at Buffy guiltily as she patted Olivia's back in an attempt to calm her. "So, I'll just see if she wants her bottle now."

Willow could have sworn Buffy was smirking at her. "Yeah, you do that."

Willow shut and locked the door as Buffy walked down the driveway and brought the crying baby into the house, feeling at a loss. Fumbling through the diaper bag with one hand, she pulled out a bottle and offered it to Olivia.

Olivia stopped crying for long enough to close her mouth around the nipple, before spitting it out.

"No, Olivia, this is your bottle, yum, yum," Willow encouraged her, sticking the tip back in her mouth.

That move made Olivia scream and turn her head to the side. It was all Willow could do to keep her grip on the straining baby and the bottle fell from her hand, splattering both of their faces and the floor with tiny droplets of milk.

"Um, ok, I guess you didn't like that," Willow said out loud. "Oh, hey! I know why! It's all cold and you're used to having your milk be nice and warm, aren't you?"

Assured by her brilliant logic, Willow readjusted Olivia and picked up the bottle of the floor. In the kitchen she tried to entertain Olivia and end the crying as the bottle sat in hot water, but apparently the combination of having been woken from her nap and not getting her milk that way she wanted it was making the usually sweet-tempered baby inconsolable.

Unfortunately for Willow, the warm bottle did not do the trick, and it seemed that Olivia was not going to settle for anything less than Tara's breast. And really, who could blame her? However, that was not something that Willow could provide.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I don't know what to do for you. I guess I am just not cut out for this."


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: This is short but it's something. I'm sorry it's been so long, but I should have a bit more time in the next couple weeks so I'll try hard for another update soon! Enjoy!**

The front door of the Rosenberg house looked even more intimating than usual to Tara as she knew that Willow was somewhere behind it. She was hoping that she could pick up Olivia and be on her way with only a few cursory words to the older redhead. Their relationship had been mending so well, but with the secret that Willow had kept, Tara was not ready to continue with it. However, they did need to find a way to co-parent, so Tara was going to have to face her at some point.

Gathering her strength, Tara reached out and rapped firmly on the wood door. Willow opened it and gave Tara weak smile, before turning towards Olivia who was on the floor crawling towards them.

"Look who's here, Liv." Willow spoke softly in the direction of the baby.

"Mama," Olivia said, sitting back and reaching up with her arms.

Tara smiled and stepped in the house to pick up her daughter. "Hi, sweetheart. Did you have fun with your mommy?"

"Um, what? Did you just call me her mommy? Cause that's what I think I heard, but you can't have said that. But maybe you did because then you would be Mama and I'm Mommy. Um, is that even what you said?"

Willow's voice reached a pitch higher than Tara had ever heard by the time she reached the end of the babble.

Tara couldn't stop herself from smiling a little as she responded. "That's what I said. You are you know."

"What?" The tone of Willow's whisper made it abundantly clear to Tara that they were both thinking back to the same evening so long ago.

The moment was quickly growing far too intimate for Tara's comfort, especially the way Willow's expressive eyes were staring at her with such an open hopefulness. Keeping her tone as light and chipper as possible, Tara responded. "You're her mom."

"Right." Willow's eyes became sad and Tara wondered what she had said wrong.

"I'm glad you could take her today, Willow. I'll call you and we can set up some more days for next week."

"Tara, I have to tell you what happened!" Willow said desperately as Tara was turning to leave.

Tara's body went rigid as she felt the familiar feeling of betrayal run through her. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm horrible with her!" Willow exclaimed. "I have no idea what to do, and I think she's going to hate me."

"What happened?" Tara asked, quickly looking down and assessing Olivia. She seemed perfectly content and didn't appear harmed in any way.

"It was terrible, Tara. She cried almost the whole time. First I woke her up, and then she didn't want her bottle. I kept trying, but she was crying and crying." It looked to Tara that the woman who was telling the story was at risk for crying. "Then just a little while ago, I tried giving her a cracker and she ate like twenty. She was starving! I can't be her mommy. First I starve her, and then I give her crackers instead of dinner. I'm so sorry!"

Tara immediately softened as Willow finished her story with a strangled sob. Tara remembered all too well the desperate feeling of helplessly trying to comfort a crying baby from her first weeks with Olivia.

"Willow, it's alright. It's not easy to get her to drink a bottle anymore, and a few crackers won't hurt."

"But I was starving her," Willow whispered.

"You weren't," Tara assured her. "You tried to give her a bottle. Don't worry about it; you did fine."

"Really?" Willow's eyes were shinny with tears and she seemed desperate for reassurance.

"Yes, really," Tara confirmed. "Next time I won't even send a bottle and you can just give her a snack."

"You mean there's going to be a next time? Even though I screwed this all up?"

Tara sighed. Apparently the fact that she wanted Olivia and Willow to have a relationship was not getting communicated. "Yeah, Will. You'll figure this out. You're her mommy."

Willow finally cracked a faint smile. "I guess I am. Well, I guess I'll see you next week."

Tara shifted Olivia in her arms. "Actually, if you're free this Saturday we're having a birthday party at Buffy's if you want to come."

"Who's birth-" Willow abruptly stopped in the middle of the sentence and clasped her hands over her mouth. "Oh my god, how could I not remember my own baby's birthday? I am a terrible, terrible, terrible person."

Though in agreement with the fact that Willow never should have forgotten, Tara still had to say, "Willow, a lot has been happening lately. You're not a terrible person."

"I just can't believe it's been a year," Willow whispered, stepping into Tara's space to caress Olivia's cheek.

"I know."

Their eyes met briefly and it was too much for Tara. Grabbing the diaper bag, she slung it over a shoulder and yanked open the door.

"See you Saturday," she said as she left, walking down the driveway so fast that she missed Willow's response.

"Your mommy makes me feel so confused," Tara muttered half to herself and half to Olivia as she reached the sidewalk and began heading for home.


	17. Chapter 17

"Look, Olivia, your cake is all done baking," Tara observed as she pulled the hot cake from the oven and set it on the stove. "Remember, patty cake-patty cake." Tara demonstrated the hand motions and Olivia responded by banging her hands against her high chair tray and then clapping her hands together.

Tara smiled at the little girl. "Good job, baby. I can't believe you're already one year old." Crossing the room, Tara took Olivia's face into her hands and kissed the top of her head. "It seems like you were learning to roll over yesterday." Tara could feel her eyes misting up sentimentally. Olivia, however, did not realize the momentous occasion of the day and instead grab a toy off the tray and waved it around, nearly hitting Tara in the eye.

Moving aside, Tara laughed gently. "Be careful. Mama doesn't need a black eye at your birthday party." And then she felt herself getting watery yet again. It was going to be a very tearful day for her at this rate. "Olivia, I'm so so happy that I'm your mama."

Suddenly there was a clatter from the other side of the kitchen and Tara turned quickly, heart pounding in a typical Sunnydale resident reaction, only to see Dawn bent over the pile of dirty dishes that she had upset in the sink.

"I'm sorry, I'm interrupting, I know," Dawn exclaimed. "Two seconds and I'm gone. I was just bringing in the plates from the living room."

"Dawnie, you don't have to leave," Tara responded, concerned. Dawn had been acting very jumpy around her for the past several days, and Tara hadn't quite figured it out.

"You're having a moment with your daughter. I don't want to be in the way," Dawn explained.

That was enough to make it click for Tara and she had to bite back a sigh. Poor Dawnie could be so insecure in the love that everyone had for her, though it was obvious why. Tara had felt the same way for a time after the death of her mother, and Dawn had had to deal with the temporary loss of her sister on top of that.

"Dawn, you're never in my way. Please don't leave the room every time you see me with Olivia; you never did that before." The last week had been such a whirlwind that Tara hadn't stopped to notice the impact it had on Dawn and now she felt flooded with guilt.

"She wasn't your daughter then," Dawn said quietly, letting her hair fall over her face.

Tara stepped over to where Dawn was to gently lift the hair from her eyes. "She was still my daughter. Do you really think I loved her any less before I knew?"

Dawn shook her head slowly. "You've always loved her like she was yours."

Tara smiled. "See? Nothing's changed."

Dawn smiled a little in return. "I guess."

"And Dawnie, you should know it's the same for you. Being related by blood couldn't change how much I love you. I will always love you." Tara pulled the gangly teenager into her arms for a hug to express her sincerity. "Now, do you want to help me get the birthday girl ready for company? I'll let you pick out her outfit."

Dawn grinned and went to get Olivia out of her high chair. "Oh yes! She has to look like a princess on her birthday!"

* * *

><p>Willow stood on her front porch waiting for Xander and Anya to come and pick her up. She fiddled with the ribbon on her present wrapped in Snoopy paper, hoping that it would be good enough. As Olivia's mother who had nearly forgotten her birthday, she should have come up with more of a "wow" present, but instead had picked out some books and a plush dog. Olivia certainly wouldn't be fazed; Willow worried about whether it would be good enough in Tara's eyes.<p>

Xander pulled into the driveway before Willow had much more time to worry and as she climbed into the backseat her eyes were immediately drawn to the giant box wrapped in pink paper sitting beside her.

"What is that?!" Willow exclaimed.

"At occasions such as these, it is customary to bring a gift. I see that you have brought one as well," Anya responded.

"Yes, Anya, I understand human customs," Willow responded, annoyance creeping into her tone. "But what is it?"

"That would ruin the surprise!"

"Anh, the surprise is for Olivia," Xander cut in. "It's one of those little cars, the yellow and red ones. Remember you had one, Will, and four year old me was so jealous."

"You got her a car!?" Willow cried. "I got her some books and you guys got her a _car_?"

"It's not a real car," Anya clarified. "Those cost thousands of dollars. This is just plastic and the savvy consumer can purchase it online for under fifty hard-earned dollars."

"Still…" Willow muttered under her breath and she continued to fret about her parental inadequacies the rest of the way to Buffy's house.

She had less time to worry once they arrived and were greeted by an unexpected guest.

"'llo, love. I hear your bird's the mother of that pretty baby."

"Spike," Willow greeted shortly. "Haven't seen you around lately."

"Yeah, well, I've had business," he responded.

Willow snorted, but before she could reply Tara came out of the kitchen and dropped Olivia into Willow's arms. "Spike has been out of the country, but Buffy invited him for our dinner tonight," Tara explained sweetly. Willow saw right through the attempt to diffuse the situation, but was willing to indulge Tara.

Bouncing Olivia in her arms, Willow admired the frilly little dress she was wearing. It wasn't exactly her taste, and likely not Tara's either, but Olivia was adorable in anything. "Are you excited about your birthday, Liv? You're one now!"

Olivia grabbed a handful of Willow's hair and squealed.

Tara had dinner ready for all of them shortly and they all sat around the dining room table, with Olivia at the head of the table in her high chair. To Willow's surprise, Spike did not cause any problems. He was relatively quiet, just sipping out of his covered mug and taking side-long glances at Buffy. There was certainly more of a story to his disappearance and sudden reemergence, but Willow probably wouldn't hear about it until she mended her friendship with Buffy.

"Time for cake!" Tara announced once their dishes had been cleared. "Buffy, can you help me carry the plates?"

They went into the kitchen and came out a minute later, Tara carrying a beautifully frosted cake that hosted a single, burning candle and Buffy following with a stake of plates and a cake knife.

Everyone sang and Olivia looked on with wide eyes as Tara held the cake in front of her, keeping the twinkling candle just out of reach.

"Wait!" Dawn cried once they finished singing and before Tara could put down the cake. "Picture! Smile, Olivia. You too, Tara."

"Willow, get in here," Tara offered.

Willow hesitated for a moment before Buffy prodded her and she jumped out of her seat to stand on the other side of the guest of honor for the picture.

"Got it!" Dawn announced. "Let's eat!"

Willow sat back down in her chair to watch as Olivia started shoving cake into her mouth with both hands. Soon Tara served Willow her own slice and she took a big bite.

"Yum! Did you make this, Tare?" Willow asked.

"She spent all day on it," Buffy answered.

"It is splendid, my dear," Giles commented.

Tara gave the most adorable, modest smile and Willow felt her heart melt. What she would give to be able to wrap her arms around her baby's mother and tell her how amazing she was. Gaining back Tara's trust was a must.

* * *

><p>Seeing everyone enjoying her cake made Tara feel much more relaxed. She had been stressed about the dinner going well, even though it was only their usual group plus Spike. Olivia certainly wasn't going to remember if the food was good on her first birthday. It was still nice to have a success.<p>

When everyone finished eating, Tara sent them to the living room while she stripped her sticky baby down to her diaper and wiped most of the frosting out of her hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up before you open your presents," she told Olivia, carrying her up to the bathroom for a sponge bath before changing her diaper and putting the baby into yellow pajamas.

Once they were back downstairs, everyone was excited for Olivia to open the gifts that they had brought. She was a joy to watch, bouncing in excitement and ripping at the paper when prompted. Her favorite present by far was the box from the car Xander and Anya had gotten her and she continued to crawl in and out of it, giggling loudly.

"I should have gotten the little tike a box," Spike commented, reaching into his pocket for his cigarettes.

"Not in the house!" Buffy ordered.

"Yeah, yeah," Spike muttered. "You want to come on the porch with me, blondie?"

Buffy glanced at her watch. "I should patrol, if you want to come."

Tara watched warily as Buffy followed Spike outside. She had no doubt that they would become involved once again, and wasn't sure that it could possibly end well for either of them as long as Spike didn't have a soul.

"It's about time for me to get to bed," Giles commented, standing from his seat. "Happy birthday, little one," he told Olivia, lifting her out of the box briefly to kiss her forehead. "And, Tara, thank you for hosting such a lovely party."

"We should get going too, Xander. We need time for…"

"Yes, we all know, Anya," Tara interrupted. "Thank you so much for coming and for Olivia's car. I'm sure she'll love it."

"Clearly we should have saved our money and just brought the box," Anya observed.

Tara chuckled.

"I'm not joking," Anya insisted.

"Willow, are you coming with us?" Xander asked.

Tara caught Willow's longing glance at Olivia who was once again giggling over her box, and felt obligated to step in. "You're welcome to stay, Will. Buffy will walk you home after patrol."

Willow's face lit up, and Tara couldn't help but smile back. "Go play; I know that you want to see if you fit in the box with her."

Willow giggled. "It's a pretty big box, but not quite Willow-sized."

"You'll have to find out," Tara challenged as she walked Giles, Anya, and Xander to the front door. Once they had left she goaded Dawn into helping her tackle the mess in the kitchen while Willow played with Olivia. Though they could have used another pair of hands, the giggles of the two redheads prevented Tara from even considering asking for Willow's help. She wanted Willow to be comfortable with Olivia and the two simply needed more time together.

Dawn conveniently had to make a "super-duper important, homework-related phone call" just before the cleanup was complete. Tara knew she just wanted to call Janice to gossip about boys and the like, but she let Dawn go and finished the last of the dishes herself.

When she went back into the living room, she found Willow leaning against the couch with a sleeping Olivia against her shoulder.

"She just passed out," Willow explained in a soft voice. "I'm sorry. I know you still have to feed her."

"It's ok." Tara crossed the room and knelt beside Willow, gently laying her hand against Olivia's cheek. "She had an exhausting evening. Do you want to carry her up and help me get her ready for bed? You're stuck here until Buffy gets back anyways."

Willow smiled and shifted to stand. "I would love to."

**AN: Sorry! I know it's been forever. I'll try to be faster but things have been BUSY lately. Hope you enjoyed this update. Please review and let me know what you think!**


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